Sesame Street Part One

I've loved Sesame Street since I was a little girl. My mother told me the reason that she bought a color tv was so that I could watch Sesame Street in all it's glory. I remember Mr. Hooper, the man who always painted the numbers, and I guess I'm dating myself when I say that I even remember when Kermit was a regular on the show.

One of my favorite bits was when Ernie would take Bert's arm and shake it around like a wet noodle driving Bert crazy. Not all of my Sesame Street memories are good ones. I used to have nightmares about Snuffalupogous, and the thunder and lighting when The Count would count also scared me. But I'm sure Sesame Street is the reason I was reading before kindergarten.

When I got older Sesame Street was forgotten until I started babysitting, and then I was grateful for Big Bird and Oscar. Tears would magically disappear when Cookie Monster would eat the letter of the day against Prairie Dawn's admonitions. Since then I've been a regular visitor to Sesame Street. Little cousins, nephews, more little cousins, and finally DB kept me coming back again and again to see Rosita, Baby Bear, Telly, and of course, Elmo.

Somehow Sesame Street would pop up at unusual times. I might find myself humming




Or singing another one of my all time favorites





Then within a year's time I met three Sesame Street actors. No, it wasn't someone dressed up in a big furry suit, and it didn't take place at an amusement park or show. The first person was Luis which is the reason why I'm writing this post. I just saw an episode of Law & Order SVU and Luis had a bit part.

Seeing him reminded me of the time I went with a bunch of girlfriends to see a movie in Oz. I'm usually an observant person (not referring to religion here), and I take in a lot of what other people just don't see. While we were waiting in line to buy some overpriced candy (chocolate, of course) I noticed a tall gentleman in a suit carrying a briefcase. I couldn't figure out how I knew him, at first. When it dawned on me I got so excited and told my friends, "It's Luis." They looked at me like I was crazy, and I could see them wracking their memories trying to remember a Luis I might have dated. It's true I dated a lot of guys, but not one of them was named Luis.

Even after I pointed him out, they still had no idea who he was. I tried to remind them, "Sesame Street!! He was the repairman on Sesame Street." They started cracking up and told me that Luis would not be here dressed like that with a briefcase in the city to see a movie. I didn't care. I knew I was right. My memory is usually very very good especially about little things of no consequence.

We went to our seats, and I refused to accept them telling me that it was a looooooong time ago, and there was no way I could remember exactly what he looked like. Well, that did it. I knew that after the movie I would have to prove it to them. I made sure that I saw where Luis went once the movie was over.

Luis was standing talking to another man, who could have possibly been his son, and I interrupted them with an, "Excuse me, but aren't you Luis from Sesame Street." Luis replied with a surprised laugh and smile that yes, he was, and then I asked him to please come over and meet my friends to tell them. Their jaws dropped, we all started giggling and then went on to say that we watched him when we were little. I'm not sure that he took that as the compliment we meant it to be. We also made sure to tell him that when we had kids we hoped that they would also see him on Sesame Street one day.

Needless to say as we were leaving the theater, I got in about a dozen "I told you so. I told y'all that he was Luis." which just started my friends laughing all over again.

btw-DB did get to see Luis on Sesame Street

Rambling Reasons Why AND Growing Older And Growing Up

Well, my last post certainly got some interesting comments and instead of replying to them individually I thought that I would do so here. First and foremost I cannot and will not have sex with someone who I cannot connect with in several important areas. I have to be physically attracted to them... no duh, CR. But I also have to be attracted to their personality. A great looking body alone just doesn't do it for me. You might find it hard to believe but a man's mind and ability to make me laugh does so much more for me than his body (even if it's his body that I ultimately want him for) It doesn't have to make sense to you... it's just the way I am. I just reread that body sentence and it didn't sound completely right.

I don't want someone just for their body. I want the whole person and I would love to have that with one individual for the rest of my life. I just really don't see that happening. Sooooooo.... I will enjoy what I can have friendship, laughter, without the long time commitment.


There are some men it is easier for me to fool around with. What I mean is that it's not a problem for me to have fun and run. What I really mean is that I don't even want a long time relationship with them. Nope what I am trying to say is that I don't crush on them. Meaning I don't think of possibilities or if onlys. It is friendship and sex. I like csbf as a term much better that friends with benefits maybe because I grew up with it or maybe that casual sex between friends means something shared with a friend. Friends with benefits implies (to me that is) that your in a friendship for the benefits.

The more a man exhibits possibilities the more that I cannot just fool around for the sake of mutual enjoyment. My heart starts to get involved. Ugh! My heart... it drives me bonkers...

I'm completely rambling and I don't think I'm responding to any of the comments


ok let me try again... I do believe that these men do care for me as a good friend. Actually I have to view them as a friend before I could enjoy being with them. That connection again...

I wasn't hurt with what happened with Chassidish it's just that I thought that it was funny that he thought he had to run away without just saying I had fun and it was nice but it's done with. I can deal with goodbyes. I'm a big girl or I will be tomorrow. It's my b-day and I'll be thirty-something.

I think that's why I've been feeling down... no, not down, resigned that's the word I was looking for. Resigned to my life. I think that once I truly adjust to it... I can then relax and enjoy it more. It's hard to like what you have when you always want more.


So I need to stop wanting more. Yeah, like that's going to work, I will always want the man with whom I can live the rest of my life, but I've got to be realistic too. And my son's mental, physical, and emotional well-being come way before anything that I might want. I can relate to Tom, Jack's friend, but I know what comes first as opposed to his confusion and conflict. It's easier when it's a matter of safety as opposed to just difficulty it's much easier to make a decision. Yeah, but just try living with it.

I wrote the above earlier today before I talked to Blondie. Ya see, Blondie reads my blog so it's been kind of difficult... well, I haven't been able to write everything I wanted to until now that is. I've been crushing on Blondie. I didn't plan on it. I didn't know or want to start looking at him in a different way.. that there could be a possibility of.... that he has potential (always hated that word, heard it too much from the teachers at school). I was over at Mamasita's helping her get ready for yontif (and talking to her about how much fun Blondie is) when I took a break to call him. Anyhow we started speaking about other things tonight, his kids, frumkeit and then ... he mentioned that he feels the need to distance himself. Funny thing is that I had just said the exact same words to Bud an hour earlier. Of course, Bud mentioned that I have a tendency to crush on guys but.... I didn't feel that way about Chassidish.

It was very brave and honest of Blondie to come out and tell me what's going on with him and of course I reciprocated. I really respect the man. If only he could have been a good lay and that's all. And I told him that too (those exact words as a matter of fact). And he makes me laugh even while talking about it... So what to do.... and he asked and I didn't really want to make a decision and yes, for the fifteenth time I know that not making a decision is a decision in and of itself. He didn't push for one. We left things and said goodnight.

Mamasita looked at my face and asked what was going on. I'm an open book and I know it. I told her and then I got the shmooze. Why it might be best for DB to have a happy mom rather than to relocate. I wanted her to shut up, but I know she's partially right, and that's the kicker there's right on both sides. It's hard enough for me to make a decision about what to wear on a date let alone this stuff. Oh, I just wanted to listen to her and forget. Forget DB's pain, forget the fact that my bro is in Israel so I take care of my parents in Kansas, forget that I could once again be stuck somewhere without my family and have things go all to pieces....

I WANT!!!!! I want to be free.... but I'm a mom.... a confused one but still a mom. That's when I got the call to go pick DB up from his friend's house. He was trying to sleep over, but was just too anxious and scared. I drove over there with tears in my eyes and then swallowed them down. He can't even fall asleep at a friend's house and here I am thinking of keeping him in the place and with the father that makes him feel this way.

But I still wanted to call Blondie and say "hey, what the F... let's try and see where things will take us." He's... but I didn't. I thought some more of Tom and felt horrible for what I wrote earlier (above) in my post.

Anyway... I think I should just stop dating. The possibility of feeling for someone and then having to realize that DB comes first is just heartbreaking. I believe that as a mom DB comes first. Not all the time because then that wouldn't mean being a good mom. I know that I have to take care of myself in order to take care of him and that includes my being happy but....

I don't want to distance myself I'm willing to go through the hurt if it comes, but Blondie doesn't want to and doesn't need to and I respect that. I really should call Gretel, but if I do I'm afraid that she would say the same thing as Mamasita. I told Mamasita jokingly that I didn't want to hear what she was saying and it was only making things more difficult for me. She said that as a friend she felt she needed to say it.

Worst of all I've been hearing all these different love songs on the radio today, and my b-day is tom. Nope my b-day is now... could I feel any sorrier for myself. UGH! CR get real, you're alive and have a beautiful boy who's smile makes your heart fill. Time to grow up and deal.

I'm done feeling sorry for myself, but I... Oh, forget it! Let me just end this post now.

songs I heard today
Delilah, plain white tees
Not Pretty Enough, Kasey Chambers
Bubbly, Colbie Callait
Born To Run, Bruce Springsteen
Do It Anyway, Martina Mcbride
This Kiss, Faith Hill
Crazy Love, Van Morrison

note: this is a big b-day and could be why I'm rambling and feeling all these things...

btw-did answer the comments on my last post individually