Temptation

Chassidish and I have been corresponding on a daily basis back and forth for hours at a time. No, I haven't given him my e-mail address or my phone number. But, I'm sure dying to. We click. And yes, I remember all my other posts... it's kind of funny how many different types of people I click with.

He wants to take me out and I'm starting to think about it. Yup, I really am. It would be so nice, so amazing to laugh with someone, to talk to him, and yes, to be held by him.

I still have my date with Denver next Friday, and Mr. B-Ball and Prince want to go out too. Plus I just wrote a message to Geek with my e-mail address and phone number.

OH! I can't decide if I'm going to go to Baltimore, Maryland this weekend. There's supposed to be a big Shabbaton. I don't know if it would be a good idea to meet more people. My plate is kind of full or if meeting some other guys might have me end up with Mr. Right. I'll keep you guys posted. Hey, is anybody else out there going???

It's Raining Men

This is too funny. When it rains it pours.

I just spent about an hour on the phone with Mr. B-Ball and we were talking about getting together to shoot some hoops (don't worry sw/fm. we had plans first so he'll have to wait). He was funny and sooooo easy to talk to. Not much of a reader, but kind and interested in people.

Prince also called today, but I didn't hear the phone. I called him back, but I still haven't heard from him.

Chassidish and I have been spending a little too much time messaging each other back and forth and now he wants to take me to dinner.... only dinner. I told him straight out no. I also explained why because of what happened with Bud/Charm and I don't want to go through that again. But it was very, very, very tempting.

Pen is still writing me, but he has a couple dates coming up so I'm happy for him and not so concerned about our staying in touch.

Geek wrote me. I had just about given up on hearing from him. I was even contemplating writing him a "good-bye it was nice getting to know you" message last night. For some reason, I just didn't do it, and I'm so glad. He had been extremely busy at work. He apologized and then proceeded to write a great message. This is someone who I would really like to get to know better.

As much as I get along with the other guys, he is someone who appeals to me tremendously. He's very close with his family, respects them, goes to museums, reads, and actually thinks before acting or writing. But I still haven't told him about the relocation thing. I don't think I will until after we speak on the phone. I'm too tired to write him back. I like to think before I answer his messages.

btw-I'm so glad that three of the guys I wrote to have not written back. This is more than enough for one girl to handle.

Gotta get some sleep.... going back to Kansas tomorrow after I pick DB up from school. Man, I'm craving some chocolate right now.

A Reply

Thanks PL for the advice (comment on this post). I followed it and guess who wrote back immediately. Geek apologized and said that I would hear from him the latest Sunday. He's been very busy at work.

OK. Even if he's not interested in going out, at least he's polite and I don't feel dissed. BUT I would still like to meet him. I'll keep you posted. AND Boy, is he cute... wonder what he looks like in person. He's got a great smile that travels to his eyes...

Denver called me and I haven't listened to his message. I'm chickening out. But I'm going to call him tonight. Writing that I am going to do something helps motivate me to actually do it. I try to follow through on what I say. I don't really have anything planned to tell him. Maybe he'll bring it up.....

We Agree And Excuses

I wrote to Pen yesterday and I left him my number. There was just too much to explain that writing it just didn't make sense. He called and we joked around a bit, did some Jewish geography, and then got down to business. That's what it felt like because I really had a rein on my emotions.

I explained to him the reasons for my wanting to relocate to Kansas not only did he hear me he understood me... Pen even did "mirroring" -- the thing therapists recommend when you are having a serious discussion or argument with someone. You repeat back to them but in your own words what the person just said to you. That way you know whether or not you are both on the same page. But it wasn't even necessary for him to do that. He got what I said as soon as I said it, and I knew immediately what direction he was going in the conversation.

We almost hung-up without coming to any real decision on if we were going to meet. But I knew that continuing with the phone calls would make it harder to finally say good-bye. Soooooo... it was a mutual "good-bye, take care, if I know of anyone for you I'll send them your way," and don't forget most importantly "if anything changes for either of us regarding moving we will immediately contact each other."

After that conversation I called Bud. I had called him the night before because I was afraid that I would make the same mistake that happened with him. I knew that I could count on him to talk me out of it. Gretel and Shmellen weren't available, and I didn't want to discuss it with Mamasita. Of course I couldn't get in touch with Bud either. But I made the right decision anyway... I guess what I really wanted was someone to kvetch and whine to about how "it's not fair... I just want to find HIM already." Kinda proud of myself in the way that I handled it even though Pen and I spoke at night considering my tendencies.

I haven't spoke to Denver recently because I've been so busy with forensics, parents coming up, and preparing for trial. As I write it I hear how lame that sounds. I've had time to correspond with Pen write my blog. I'm just not that interested and I don't want to commit myself to a whole weekend with him if he comes to Oz. I don't know how to say that so I guess I've been avoiding him. Here's a good one maybe I should just come right out and say that to him but use the excuse of the trial for me not being able to spend the whole weekend. Denver's intelligent and will probably understand that it is just that, an excuse and if he still wants to come to Oz will also line up other dates for himself.

Willing left me a message after Memorial Day weekend like he said he would, but I didn't call him back. It's rude, I know. It's just that Geek and I had started writing to each other and I didn't want to commit to a date with Willing if I was also going to go out with Geek. I won't date two guys at the same time. It's hard enough for me to make a decision as it is. Just who I am I think things over again and again and compare, and think things over again. I don't want to have to make a decision between two guys.

Now I don't have to. Geek never replied to my latest message. Nothing.... no, age difference excuse, I've gotten kind of busy now can I contact you later, or even "I've thought it over and don't think I can date someone who already has a child," I'm wondering what I did, maybe he doesn't know how to tell me those things or somehow deleted my message. It could also be that he just doesn't care, isn't interested, but enjoyed the attention for awhile. I prefer thinking it was one of the first two. I want to be dan l'kaf z'chus.

Should I write him again? A short note, "Hey, what's up?" Or is that lame? I need to think about it. Any words of wisdom for me out there????

But first let me just say that I didn't let him know about the relocation. Yeah, yeah, I'm up front with everyone else. It's just that I already had one strike against me (having DB, although I think DB is a plus, but I'm his mom) that I wanted him to get to know me a little better so he could work his way through that one and then I would've told him. He did write in his Frumster profile that he was willing to relocate. But that could just mean to NJ not somewhere farther like Kansas. Or He found my blog and realized I didn't tell him about relocation and is pissed and feels misled by me and that I don't even deserve any more effort or explanation.

Another Great Day

And boy am I enjoying them.

It's so relaxing to be in Kansas for me and DB. He has been so helpful and I haven't even had to remind him to get out of the bath, brush his teeth, say shema..... AND I didn't have to sit on his bed or even stay in his room until he fell asleep!!!!! HOORAY!!!!! I imagine that part of the reason for this is that he feels safe and loved here.

There wasn't even any whining today even though the temp was in the 90's, we spent a lot of time outside, didn't get to go swimming, and he didn't get to buy the tadpoles that he "really, really, really" wanted. While we were at the nursery choosing flowers to plant he was reaching into the water to grab the squirmy things and take a look at their legs. I'm also surprised that he didn't complain when he didn't get a snowball for dessert tonight.

For everyone who lives in Oz and anywhere that's not Kansas, a snowball is very finely crushed ice with a flavored syrup poured over it. They're in a styrofoam cup to slow down it's melting, and are eaten with a spoon until there's only colored liquid left at the bottom which you drink while trying not to spill it down your shirt. You can also get marshmallow put on top for an extra 25 cents.

It's the true taste of summer... sky blue-can't really explain this flavor, but it's not blueberry or raspberry or any berry, and ooooooh, yummy chocolate with extra squirts and marshmallow on top. For all you calorie conscious people there are even an assortment of sugar free flavors. The whole thing in an extra large size with extra flavoring is about two bucks and worth every penny. There are always lines outside of snowball shacks no matter what time of day and the adults smile at one another while the children seriously debate which flavor changes the color of their tongues and tastes the best.

I want to clarify that a snowball is most definitely not a snow cone that has only three flavors and hard crunchy ice that melts through the paper cone before you've even gotten halfway through it. I am looking forward to standing in line tomorrow and trying to decide whether to stick with one of my old favorites or try bubblegum or even root beer. That reminds me of birch beer, but I'll get into that another time.


Dating Update:

Have been speaking to Denver, but I'm finding that I really don't enjoy our conversations as much. BUT-- I am still willing to go out with him... so when I get back to Oz we are going to arrange a weekend to get together. The thing is I don't want to commit an entire weekend to one person. I usually do a lot of work on the case and around the house when DB isn't with me, not to mention having some down time from people who want something from me i.e. DB, my attorney, the kids I take care of.....

I'm also supposed to have a date with Willing, and I am going to follow through on that too. It's just that I like Geek ( a lot). I'm enjoying our e-mails and am looking forward to hearing his voice. He's intelligent and feels comfortable joking around... we're also on the same page about actual halacha and invented chumras upon chumras.

I know that I am projecting certain feelings that I have for him and I am trying to keep a lid on it. You've heard me get excited (well, actually read) in the beginning about every guy I communicate with. I don't know if it's because 1) I really just like guys 2) it's an ego boost to have someone interested in you 3) the idea that this could be the one. Whatever the reason I have tried to slow things down by not replying or even reading the message the same day I get it. This helps remind me that I control my emotions and not the other way around.

I'm really proud of myself >>claps<<. I've seen Mr. Man on Frumster recently and have not looked at his profile or contacted him in any way.


Hope everyone has a wonderful Memorial Day and don't forget to thank a soldier if you see one (that's the daughter of a marine talking) Let's get them home and safely

Feels Like Home

Yup, I packed up and drove us to Kansas again. As I was driving down I mentioned to DB that the books I just bought for him came from a store on the way and that some of them only cost fifty cents. "Please, mom, please can we stop. I can pay you back. I have allowance money." I can't resist a child who wants to go buy some books so we stopped. I let him pick out anything he wanted and told him he didn't have to pay me back. It only cost me about four bucks and he had a grin that wouldn't leave his face for the last hour of the drive.

Shavuos was fantastic.... relaxed, laid back, learning with DB, cheesecake, eating outside in the shade with about thirty family members who were all happy to spend time together... and that was only the first day. DB looked gorgeous in his linen shorts and shirt. The sweater vest he wore reminded me of a tennis sweater. His hair is getting blonder from all the time he has been spending outside in Kansas. The family that moved in next door to Bubbi has a little boy the same age. They have completely hit it off and are now best buddies and enjoy playing in the grass with their guns, cannons, lasers, arrows, spears (you get the picture... they're little boys) they make out of Kinex, Lego, branches and anything else they get their hands on.

Today's lunch was with other family members. Cousins upon cousins. They came back with us and brought some friends. We played $25,000 pyramid again. I thought I would get some sleep but they dragged me downstairs in my pajamas to fight over which team I was going to join. The little ones ran in and out of the house from the swing set to the freezer (popsicles) and back again. I really couldn't have asked for anything nicer except maybe someone special to share this with me.

Which brings me to the two new guys I wrote to on Frumster. Chassidish has a smile that beams sunshine into your life. I had noticed him before, but never wrote to him... he's younger and I wasn't sure if I wanted to initiate contact when I have stuff going on with Denver and Willing. But I'm a sucker for smiling eyes and boy does he have them. Mon. night I just couldn't resist any longer...

Chassidish wrote back immediately and we stayed up late writing back and forth to one another only for me to find out that he is not able to relocate to Kansas. He seemed as disappointed as I was and sort of left the door open for me to start something anyway. I just wished him well and told him that if I knew of anyone for him I would send her his way. He said he would do the same for me.

Disappointed I checked out the other people who were still up and found Geek. A description he used of himself. There wasn't a picture and he is three years younger, but when I read his profile I smiled. I decided to save time and came right out and asked him if he dates older women. Geek wrote back before yontif and is thinking about it. He's not sure about a ready made family, but since he felt a connection with me he's considering dating me. This was without him even seeing my picture. Wow! I got to see his and he doesn't look like any geek I've ever met. I'm not sure what will happen, but I am looking forward to getting to know him better. I'm much more interested in him than in Denver and Willing... there was just something about his writing that appealed to me even before I saw his picture.