Recognition

There's this man that I've seen around a couple of times. Actually, more than a couple.

The first time I saw him we both kind of did a double take. We most certainly did not know each other, but there was a connection, a recognition of something there. Of course, every time after that when we saw each other there was a silent understanding. I don't remember ever smiling at him, and I smile at everyone. Believe it or not there was never any flirting between the two of us. He never smiled at me either, but we always looked each other in the eye and knew.

He's younger than I am, but he's not a guy. He's a man. There's a way that he holds himself; a confidence, a surety. And I wasn't sure if he is/was married. I'm still not sure.

I saw him about a month ago. He came into the store, and there was that instant knowing. I looked up and saw that he was caught by surprise to find me working there. We didn't say anything to each other. I was busy helping other people. He walked around as if he didn't remember what he had come in to buy, and then he left.

Yesterday, he showed up in the store again, but it was empty. There were no other customers, and I was laughing with another employee. I looked up and there were his eyes looking down into mine. He smiled back and for the first time I spoke to him.

I helped him find what he was looking for and he joined in on the joking around. There was still an unspoken acknowledgement between us, and then he left. I did get to find out that he is intelligent and funny, but still not sure if he's married or not.

Through Other's Eyes

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine where I disagreed with what was said, but I knew that it wouldn't matter how I explained the situation he wouldn't be able to see it the way I did. I was able to view it the way he did and realized how important this was to him...just as important to me, too... maybe even more so, which is another thing I don't think he could understand. That is why I didn't get into it. He couldn't see, and I knew from the way he was talking, couldn't hear any reasons, or explanations as to how what he was saying might not be the case.

On the other hand, I could be wrong. But I know who I am and what my strengths are and I'm able to see a tremendous amount in people and relationships. And to some of you out there who think that I might be oblivious or that I deny what I'm feeling, I don't. I just won't admit it to you. Trust me I know what I'm feeling, and dreaming. Geez Louise, I think most of you out there reading would admit that I'm aware of my feelings, and if I'm not so sure of what they are I try to figure it out until I actually know what's going on with me.

I think some of this has to do with the fact that he's a guy, and I'm a girl. And maybe some of it has to do with the fact that I see problems as solvable and able to be worked through. Of course, not everything has a happy ending and I think that he's coming from that point of view. But there are some things I know how to handle and how they can and should be handled, children being one of them.

Should he take off his blinders or should I stop wearing rose colored glasses? Whatever it is... I'm sad for the loss of what could be.

Tired

Obviously, a lot has been going on this past week. I got stood up by Mr. B-Ball. Our date wasn't written in stone but he said he would call either way. The next night I saw him on Frumster and he still hasn't contacted me.

And finally the date with Denver was a bust. I was right... he wasn't for me. I think he expected us to spend the day together, but he never brought that up before he came into Oz. When I picked him up he had his computer and a camera with him. Maybe he was afraid they would get stolen in his hotel room. I found out later that he was staying in a hotel for Shabbos. I am well aware that he has friends in NY so I don't get that.

The thing is.... I was in no way attracted to him. The way he held himself really bugged me. It was in a martyring self-depreciating sort of way. Plus the fact that he wore black socks with sneakers (ugh! if you don't have white socks don't wear any) and his pants seam at the crotch was coming undone. Maybe he wanted my eyes to drift there, but there wasn't too much to see.
I mean, come on!!!!! Make sure you look nice before you go out on a date. It doesn't have to be fancy clothes but clean and in one piece is not too much to expect.

I was going to offer to pay for my meal, but I changed my mind. There was just something that rubbed me the wrong way... probably the fact that he expected to spend the day with me without even asking me. I was so glad that I was traveling to Kansas and had to finish packing up the car.

I wasn't rude or quiet. I felt very at ease and had a nice conversation with him, but I was so glad to see him go. I was SOOO BORED!!!

On to bigger and better things, and at least I got more practice in going out and in trusting my extincts. I haven't had time to write about Psycho. I learned another lesson with him. Don't give out your phone number especially if someone is so insistent about having it.

I'm too tired to write more and I have to travel back to Oz tonight or tomorrow. I'm all packed up though. That's why I can sit here at the pool and veg.

btw-thanks for all the caring in the comments on the last post. I don't usually like to get that down about the situation. I mean really how can I when DB is in the pool with a big grin on his face yelling at me to join him. Things could be much worse. Thank G-d they aren't!!!!