Booty Call

Chassidish and I have been keeping in touch with short "how are you" e-mails when we see each other on Frumster, but last night I got a call from him. I didn't expect it, but it was nice to hear his voice. After talking about kids and joking around for awhile, I finally asked him about why he had stopped calling so suddenly.

I completely understood when he said that he was starting to feel things and since he couldn't relocate he needed some space. He had started off the conversation with, "Are you going out with anyone?" Then he progressed to "Are you still going to be relocating to Kansas?" I answered him no to the first question and yes to the second.

He started joking around and asked me again about relocating. Then he mentioned that he missed me. I was a little surprised at that. Yes, I know men have feelings too. I'm just not usually privy to them especially when they concern me. I asked him how his dating was going and he said he had a few "friends" but no one to date for tachlis. So he's getting some, but wants more from a relationship.

We slipped easily into the flirting and double entendres and I found out he was still at work. It was late, but he usually works late. I told him to go home, but why go home when there's no one there? His voice got deeper (y'all know how voices do it for me), and he said he would go home if I would meet him there. I started laughing and then coughing. My cold got a little worse last night.

"There's no way I'm leaving my bed tonight," was what I said, and he immediately retorted, "That's OK I'll join you there." My coughing started again because the laughter did too. I didn't answer so he tried a roundabout way to get into my bed. He said he couldn't decide if he should head home or to me. I told him to go home, but he finally said he didn't want to and went into specifics which I will NOT elaborate on.

It was kind of flattering and tempting, but I had the feeling that if we started fooling around again it might get hard (pun intended) for him feelings-wise. He's a good guy and I didn't want him to get hurt even though it would've been fun.... a lot of fun.

... But It Was Fun While It Lasted

So I didn't hear from Chassidish today, and I just checked to see if he read the message I sent him on Frumster and he had. Here it is in it's entirety "Hope your weekend was nice. ttyl or not anyway... take care."

It wouldn't have bothered me if he just said, "It was fun, bye." It's funny that he thinks he has to avoid me. He won't be hearing from me again. I guess he doesn't get it that I understood we weren't dating, but just having fun.

Weird

Chassidish didn't call before Shabbos, after Shabbos or today at anytime. I tried to reach him before Shabbos, but his voice mail was full and I wasn't going to call for forever. Anyway we were supposed to get together tonight after I went to the mikvah. I didn't try and call him today because I knew he'd be traveling from the mountains and then working.

I told myself that if I didn't hear from him by 5:30 p.m. I wasn't going to go to the mikva. That way I wouldn't be able to or rather it would help keep me from seeing him because I knew nothing could take place. I didn't want to see him if he called after 5:30 p.m. BECAUSE I didn't want him to think that I'm available whenever he wants. I'm not. If you want to be with me/spend time with me/have csbf then call me and act like a friend. I don't need mushy cards or anything but.....

This is why I am sitting here at home typing instead of with him completely blowing his mind. His loss... of course, it's mine too especially considering that I was really looking forward to some hot and sweaty sex... Anyway, I imagine that I'm not going to hear from him again. Anyone wanna make a bet????

Unto bigger and better things. I should have made the date with Confused Guy for tonight. It's just as well because I worked today and I'm working tomorrow with this gorgeous baby whose laughter is contagious. He feels the same way... sometimes we just giggle at each other.

Teen has been calling me a lot and calling me sweetie and honey. He even went as far as inviting me to a wedding with him at the end of August. No, I wasn't leading him on. What's the deal with men... don't they have any idea of a middle ground. The more I talk to Teen the more I realize he's not for me. He might a good deal older than I am, but there is just some immaturity to him. It's a shame because he has tattoos that he got when he was younger and rebelling. I find tattoos on a man extremely sexy. Don't ask me why? I just do. Actually one or two is enough for me, more and I find it.... not as attractive.

Another hot thing about him is that he speaks several languages including French and Italian. Maybe you remember the movie A Fish Called Wanda (one of my favorites) and how Jamie Lee Curtis went crazy over foreign languages. Voices and languages are definitely turn ons for me.

Teen was supposed to call at 11:30 p.m. and I haven't heard from him. This is hysterical. It must be why I used to call guys and ask them out before they ever had the chance to contact me. Are guys just too scared?? Any of you out there willing to answer? If you are with (as in married, engaged or dating) someone who asked whom out first or who initiated the relationship?

Busy, Busy, Busy...

Most definitely not G rated:
But definitely entertaining

Sooooo sooooooo much has been going on this week, and I haven't had that much time to write about it. Here goes...

1) I drove back and forth to Kansas three times in three days if I've counted it right. My brain is just a little fried from being so tired. And I'm so tired because on Monday I moved a dining room set, credenza and another table out of my great-uncle's non-air conditioned house. Yes, it was about 99 degrees without the heat index. So I took everything a part and actually moved the credenza myself on a dolly. My dad helped me tilt it into the truck so I could pull it up and put it in.

Then I drove the truck back to Oz, and unloaded everything. I did get a little help with the top of the dining room table. I'm a little achy now from all the hard work. And I still need to screw everything back together. But at least I unpacked.

2) Chassidish came over last night and we behaved ourselves... as difficult as it was. He stayed awhile so I didn't get to sleep until late

3) The night before that when I was in Kansas I spent a long time sending messages back and forth to Confused Guy (named by rebel with a cause) who doesn't seem so confused anymore and Teen. I'm calling him that because even though he's a little older (Bud thinks he may be too old for me) he acts and talks young. I don't mean immature, just young and full of life.

4) Someone from Frumster contacted me. Not what you're thinking... someone who works for Frumster. He said that he read my blog and would I let him know my identity. It made me feel like a spy. I told him no and asked why. He wanted to get my input about Frumster and any suggestions I might have. I sent him some and if any of you out there have specific things you want added or changed let me know and I'll pass it along.

But really, after writing about what happened with Bud and now Chassidish did he really think I was going to tell him who I was. He probably would have had me kicked off of Frumster. Do they actually do that?

5) I was also up late this past week working on the trial. Of course, the dates have been changed and there isn't even going to be a pre-trial conference tomorrow. C'est la vie. What can I do? Nothing, so I've chosen not to worry about it and instead take care of the baby again tomorrow.

Now for the unbelievable story.....
I got a phone call last night from a guy I know through frumster. No, I am most definitely not saying who it is because of what he asked. Ok, ok, I'll tell you what he asked... He prefaced it by stating that he never wanted me to speak of it again after our conversation. My ears really perked up then. I answered, "of course" and was quiet waiting for the bomb to drop.

AND THEN IT DID!!! OMIGOSH! OMIGOSH!! OMIGOSH!!!!

He said "How would you like to come out with me tonight to a 'couple's club'?" Then there was silence. I think he wanted to let it sink in. At first I wasn't sure what he meant, but since he was still quiet I realized that it was what I thought it was.... a swinger's club.

HOLY MOLEY!!!! ABSOLUTELY FRIGGIN' UNBELIEVABLE!!! WHOA!!!!!

I didn't know if I should be insulted or not. Then I started thinking about it.... I was curious. C'mon I'm sure that you've all heard of these things going on, but have never been a part of it or known where it was taking place.

Anyway, he broke first and said "Did you understand me?"
"I sure did. What the hell are you thinking??" and then I cracked up and couldn't stop laughing. My stomach started to hurt I was laughing sooo hard. It takes a lot to insult me. Well, obviously.
When I finally started to get quiet he asked me if I would be willing to go. The curiosity really started to get to me. I have this unsatiable desire to find out and learn and see new things and ideas. I really did seriously contemplate it. No, I wasn't going to participate. I just wanted to see for myself. I mean really, it would have made a great story.

But two things prevented me from going: Chassidish was already on his way over, and I didn't feel comfortable going with this guy (the one who asked me, not Chassidish) in particular. Soooo the answer was no. But if he ever asks again.......

I'm supposed to talk to CG and Teen tonight. We'll see how it goes. btw- both are willing to relocate.

Happy News:
Pen went out this week with a really nice girl and they got along great. We've been staying in touch mostly by e-mail and talking about our different dates. There's no flirting going on which makes it easy and comfortable. I'm sooooo happy for him. He's a sweet guy and deserves someone who realizes it and is just as caring. I wish the same for any of us who are single out there.

Not Enough Hours In The Day

Might not have that much time to write for the next couple of days/weeks. The trial is coming up and I also have to get in some paperwork on the appeal.

I was contacted by someone new. Actually, he contacted me a long time ago. I've been on Frumster for several years, but I didn't have a picture up or really write about who I am, because I didn't really have the interest or energy. I recently updated it. So... this new/old guy wrote me. I immediately informed him that I am relocating to Kansas and even though it says he's willing to relocate I've come to find that that refers to only within different neighborhoods in Jersey and NY. He writes back that it won't work.

This morning I get another message. He's changed his mind after staying up all night, and speaking to some rebbeim. Because his ex and her new hubby are relocating with the kids also.

Cool... but was he joking around when he wrote that he contacted 5 different rebbeim? And if so, do I really want to go out with someone like that? I respect that if he feels he has a life changing decision he would like to talk it over with someone. But five someones?!?!?

Update on Chassidish:
We are just having too much fun together. We haven't seen each other since that Shabbos because it would have been very difficult (did I say very, I meant extremely.... nope, what I meant was basically impossible) to keep our hands off each other and I'm in niddah. But we've been speaking on the phone a lot. We are also encouraging one another to answer messages and go on dates. But in the meantime.... Sunday night is mikva night! Yahoo!!!!

btw-need a name for the new guy, any suggestions??

Shabbos in.... Borough Park!?!?!

Warning: this post is most certainly not rated G



Yes, that's where I was... someone from Kansas in the heart of Jewish Oz with Chassidish, and boy did I have a great time.


It all happened kind of quickly. He came by to see me Thursday night and his smile was so alive, open and welcoming. I was in his outstretched arms in a minute and then his lips were on mine. This is a man who knows how to kiss and loves doing it. We spent over an hour laughing, and enjoying the feel of each other. He made me feel beautiful just by the way he looked at me.

We said goodbye several times until he finally left and then spoke some more on the phone while he drove home. We are both so aware that this will not turn into anything else, and there's so much friendship and caring on both our parts. Friday morning he tried reaching me but DB and I were busy so I didn't speak to him until later.

We had been joking throughout the week that he was coming to me for Shabbos or that I was going to spend it with him. Then in an instant it was decided that I was traveling to Borough Park most definitely a million miles away from Kansas.

He was waiting for me outside and had saved me a parking space. Of course, we had to wait until we were in his apartment before I was in his arms again. Boy, did I love the feel of those strong arms wrapped around me. He lifted me as easily as if I were a doll that belonged to one of his children.

I've never kissed, dated, or been interested in someone chassidish especially not someone who wears a bekeshe (spelling?) and streimel. I don't know whether it was him or chassidish mentality but the way he treated me and looked at me was something that I never really experienced before. I didn't feel at all self-conscious about my body. And that made this one of the most enjoyable experiences of my life. Was it because he was at least two times the size of me (he's way over 6 feet) and that just one of his arms wrapped completely around my waist? Or was it because when we looked at the magazines he bought for me to read (yeah, like I was going to be bored at his apartment if I had nothing to read over Shabbos, or that I would come without reading material.... but then again we did have to come up for air) he didn't drool over the women. He was the one who said that normal people don't look like that. WOW!!! You gotta love a man like that. Plus the fact that he constantly told me I was beautiful even after Shabbos and I was going home.

He looked into my eyes when he talked to me. Believe it or not he wasn't just looking at my body... although, he did mention certain parts he liked. I didn't feel the need to say "Ugh, I hate my ______" when he complimented me and I didn't even think it. Maybe I'm just feeling more self-assured these days. But I really believe that it was because he was into me (pun intended) as a whole not as just individual body parts even if he did have certain preferences.

I don't know if he and I will do this again, (I most definitely wouldn't mind) but I don't regret a minute of it. He made me feel like a woman who was respected, loved and cared for. I came first (don't even say anything... I'm not going to touch this one) in his eyes. There was no pressure, just acceptance. I hope that all of you guys out there either have or will have someone who looks at you and treats you like this. I know I'm going to be looking for it the next time I date someone.

It is obvious that even without the relocation matter he and I would probably not have ended up together. I want someone who I can talk to about books and I imagine he would want someone who understands Yiddish. But there was just no judging by either of us. While he read his Yiddish paper I read Einstein's Universe. Maybe having someone to talk to about science isn't so important. I think I'm going to have to think about that for awhile. This past Shabbos really has changed the way I view things. I welcome the idea of looking at the world or people in a different manner than I previously had.

We spent most of Shabbos in his bed, and it was SO MUCH FUN. Never thought that I would enjoy Shabbos in Borough Park let alone in this manner. I highly recommend it!!!!!!

And now I think I need to get some rest. I'm kind of worn out and that's an understatement.

I Didn't Listen

I spent most of the night with Chassidish. It started with what has become our regular messaging on Frumster and ended at about 5 a.m. with me falling asleep while talking to him on the phone. He's got this voice that could melt butter... yeah, yeah, me and voices.

And yes, I know it won't work out. And yes, I called Bud and he reminded me of what happened when we dated and he couldn't move. Soooo.... I guess I will definitely deserve it if I get hurt. I've been forewarned. Ya see, I miss the closeness that you have in a relationship. Chassidish does too. I think we are both being stand-ins for Mr./Ms. Right until that person comes along.

Mr. B-Ball is fun to talk to, but I don't get the thrill.... the excitement that I get when I know it's Chassidish calling. I haven't heard from Prince in almost a week and Denver and I will be going out next Friday. I still don't see anything coming of that date but I'm going to give it a try anyway. BUT if I heard from Geek (I gave him my e-mail address and phone number in my last Frumster message to him) I wouldn't be talking to Chassidish, and he knows and understands that.

btw-not going to the Shabbaton in Baltimore, Maryland.... it's too much money for me to lay out and I'm tired of driving. Plus... I'll be honest with you... I want to go out with Chassidish. But maybe I'll go out with B-Ball instead. He mentioned something to me last night.

I'm too tired to continue... No duh, CR, you only got three hours of sleep, worked out, and then spent most of the day walking around the Museum of Natural History with DB.

Temptation

Chassidish and I have been corresponding on a daily basis back and forth for hours at a time. No, I haven't given him my e-mail address or my phone number. But, I'm sure dying to. We click. And yes, I remember all my other posts... it's kind of funny how many different types of people I click with.

He wants to take me out and I'm starting to think about it. Yup, I really am. It would be so nice, so amazing to laugh with someone, to talk to him, and yes, to be held by him.

I still have my date with Denver next Friday, and Mr. B-Ball and Prince want to go out too. Plus I just wrote a message to Geek with my e-mail address and phone number.

OH! I can't decide if I'm going to go to Baltimore, Maryland this weekend. There's supposed to be a big Shabbaton. I don't know if it would be a good idea to meet more people. My plate is kind of full or if meeting some other guys might have me end up with Mr. Right. I'll keep you guys posted. Hey, is anybody else out there going???

It's Raining Men

This is too funny. When it rains it pours.

I just spent about an hour on the phone with Mr. B-Ball and we were talking about getting together to shoot some hoops (don't worry sw/fm. we had plans first so he'll have to wait). He was funny and sooooo easy to talk to. Not much of a reader, but kind and interested in people.

Prince also called today, but I didn't hear the phone. I called him back, but I still haven't heard from him.

Chassidish and I have been spending a little too much time messaging each other back and forth and now he wants to take me to dinner.... only dinner. I told him straight out no. I also explained why because of what happened with Bud/Charm and I don't want to go through that again. But it was very, very, very tempting.

Pen is still writing me, but he has a couple dates coming up so I'm happy for him and not so concerned about our staying in touch.

Geek wrote me. I had just about given up on hearing from him. I was even contemplating writing him a "good-bye it was nice getting to know you" message last night. For some reason, I just didn't do it, and I'm so glad. He had been extremely busy at work. He apologized and then proceeded to write a great message. This is someone who I would really like to get to know better.

As much as I get along with the other guys, he is someone who appeals to me tremendously. He's very close with his family, respects them, goes to museums, reads, and actually thinks before acting or writing. But I still haven't told him about the relocation thing. I don't think I will until after we speak on the phone. I'm too tired to write him back. I like to think before I answer his messages.

btw-I'm so glad that three of the guys I wrote to have not written back. This is more than enough for one girl to handle.

Gotta get some sleep.... going back to Kansas tomorrow after I pick DB up from school. Man, I'm craving some chocolate right now.

Back In The Saddle Again

Yup, I started talking (I mean writing, but as I explained before I write as if I'm talking) to some new guys on Frumster. Actually I contacted ten guys last night. Yes, TEN guys. I also started writing "Looking forward to hearing from you either way" at the end of my messages. Either I am getting better at choosing whom to contact or adding that sentence reminds people to write back.

Three of the guys were younger than I am even though one was only a year younger. He was the one who wrote back that he is only dating women younger than he is because he wants to have a lot more kids. Either that's a soft brushoff or he really means it. Doesn't he realize that even though someone is younger it doesn't necessarily mean that it will be easier for her to get pregnant. Even if she has a child there is such a thing as secondary infertility. You guys should be aware of this. And if she hasn't had a child yet, whose to say that it will be easy for her to get pregnant.

Another one of the younger ones was a good five years younger, but he was intelligent, funny, well read and his personality really appealed to me. He even had the courtesy to reply and he did that beautifully.

I wrote to a guy who appeared to be "frummer" than I am. He also had manners and wrote back. Although he jokingly disagreed with my taste in music, he thought it wouldn't be a good fit.

The first one who wrote back didn't have too much to say for himself. There was some back and forth but we didn't seem to click. I wrote the last message and still haven't heard from him even though he's been back on Frumster sooo that kind of fizzled. I was willing to at least go out with him on one date because maybe his stiltedness only takes place in his writing.

The next one had even less to say, but we just started writing to each other. Maybe he'll loosen up. I'm willing to give him a chance. Hell, I'm willing to give just about anyone a chance except for the guys 10-15 years younger than I am.

Now here's the real deal: I feel a connection with two of the guys/men who wrote back. The first one is a real Prince and although that sounds like a dog's name I'm going to call him that in my blog. Prince is divorced without kids and he's an Ozian, Ozan, Ozzer (some help here... what would you call someone born and bred in Oz). We've been talking (writing) about the different activities that we like to do and have in common. There's already been some tentative mentioning of getting together with the idea that he will teach me how to kayak. Cool!!! He's cute too (when he's wearing a baseball hat) or should I handsome (in a black hat). I don't really but much stock in labels and just try to go with personality.

Then there's the Knicks fan. We've only just started to correspond, but his personality jumps off the screen at me. He's also someone who follows his dreams. I think I'll call him Mr. B-Ball.




Now here's an update on Denver and Willing:

It appears Denver will be in Oz in two weeks. He only has one day free to spend with me and that sounds fine. I don't feel responsible for his visit or spend more time with him than I might possibly feel comfortable with. I want to see if there's some chemistry, and if he feels more at ease with me in person. I'm even willing to go out with him on a second date to really give him a chance. I'll keep you posted.

Willing wrote to me that he wants my undivided attention. He knows that I've been extremely busy with divorce stuff and I told him I would let him know if and when I might be willing/able to give that to him. I'm supposed to do this by tomorrow. I think that the only thing I can say is that since I'm going to be going to trial in the middle of the summer it might not be possible until after Labor Day.





I just realized that I never explained why I contacted TEN guys. I figured that most of them wouldn't respond and that I might not click with some others. Plus all of these guys have viewed my profile a couple of times within the past week and haven't made a single move. It looked like it was up to me to break the ice and I did.

It all started with me writing good-bye messages to people I had been in contact with, but just stopped writing to me. It really made me feel empowered. Another lesson learned. All it said in my message was that it was nice getting to know them and I wished them well. The subject line was goodbye. I wanted to make sure that they read it and knew that I wasn't chasing after them.

Since I felt so confident I decided to keep on writing. This time to people I was interested in. I'm glad I did. Talk about positive reinforcement. Then having Pen and Chassidish contact me again also helped my ego. Things have definitely shifted with Pen there's now a feeling of friendship not attraction. Chassidish is another issue. He just has such a great smile that draws me to him. But he also found someone to write to last night so we will lay off on messaging each other. I'm very proud of myself that I haven't even given him my reg. e-mail address or my phone number. Yay for me!!!

Feels Like Home

Yup, I packed up and drove us to Kansas again. As I was driving down I mentioned to DB that the books I just bought for him came from a store on the way and that some of them only cost fifty cents. "Please, mom, please can we stop. I can pay you back. I have allowance money." I can't resist a child who wants to go buy some books so we stopped. I let him pick out anything he wanted and told him he didn't have to pay me back. It only cost me about four bucks and he had a grin that wouldn't leave his face for the last hour of the drive.

Shavuos was fantastic.... relaxed, laid back, learning with DB, cheesecake, eating outside in the shade with about thirty family members who were all happy to spend time together... and that was only the first day. DB looked gorgeous in his linen shorts and shirt. The sweater vest he wore reminded me of a tennis sweater. His hair is getting blonder from all the time he has been spending outside in Kansas. The family that moved in next door to Bubbi has a little boy the same age. They have completely hit it off and are now best buddies and enjoy playing in the grass with their guns, cannons, lasers, arrows, spears (you get the picture... they're little boys) they make out of Kinex, Lego, branches and anything else they get their hands on.

Today's lunch was with other family members. Cousins upon cousins. They came back with us and brought some friends. We played $25,000 pyramid again. I thought I would get some sleep but they dragged me downstairs in my pajamas to fight over which team I was going to join. The little ones ran in and out of the house from the swing set to the freezer (popsicles) and back again. I really couldn't have asked for anything nicer except maybe someone special to share this with me.

Which brings me to the two new guys I wrote to on Frumster. Chassidish has a smile that beams sunshine into your life. I had noticed him before, but never wrote to him... he's younger and I wasn't sure if I wanted to initiate contact when I have stuff going on with Denver and Willing. But I'm a sucker for smiling eyes and boy does he have them. Mon. night I just couldn't resist any longer...

Chassidish wrote back immediately and we stayed up late writing back and forth to one another only for me to find out that he is not able to relocate to Kansas. He seemed as disappointed as I was and sort of left the door open for me to start something anyway. I just wished him well and told him that if I knew of anyone for him I would send her his way. He said he would do the same for me.

Disappointed I checked out the other people who were still up and found Geek. A description he used of himself. There wasn't a picture and he is three years younger, but when I read his profile I smiled. I decided to save time and came right out and asked him if he dates older women. Geek wrote back before yontif and is thinking about it. He's not sure about a ready made family, but since he felt a connection with me he's considering dating me. This was without him even seeing my picture. Wow! I got to see his and he doesn't look like any geek I've ever met. I'm not sure what will happen, but I am looking forward to getting to know him better. I'm much more interested in him than in Denver and Willing... there was just something about his writing that appealed to me even before I saw his picture.