Never Argue With A Woman

One morning the husband returns the boat to the cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies (thinking, "isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know, you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know, you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day, Ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.


hat tip: Doll

It Made Me Laugh

Doll sent me this link and I decided to share it with you. Let me know if you enjoyed it.

Just Friends

Dan The Man is Doll's twin brother. When I came back with her to London after seminary there was an instant attraction. Actually I felt that attraction the summer before, but I didn't stay at her house and we didn't have any time to get to know each other. Staying at her house changed everything, well, almost everything.

We talked about everything from religion to science then to music and books. We may not have agreed on everything, but it didn't stop us from enjoying our talks about it. I can remember one night in his room. I don't know where Doll was, and I don't think anyone else was at home. There was electricity in the looks we gave to one another. Then instead of anything happening we talked some more. This time it was about whether or not we were going to go out with each other.

One of the hardest things I've ever done is tell him that there was no way I could ever hurt Doll and to have her two best friends together might make her feel left out. I had talked to Doll earlier in my visit in a roundabout way. She probably saw through it, but didn't come outright and tell me not to date Dan. This was the first time that I chose friendship over going out with a guy.

When I came back to London a couple years later for Doll's wedding I still felt that pull, but Dan The Man was dating someone seriously. I was sooooo jealous and wanted to tell him, but I kept it in. I didn't discuss it with Doll because I came to London to help her feel really good before her special day. I didn't want her focusing on me.

Once again Dan The Man and I were left alone in the house. I don't know how that happened with all the relatives that were in. That's when he mentioned that he was going to propose to his girlfriend. The jealousy and hurt I felt was unbelievable. I have the feeling he knew about some of it. I tried to push it to the back of my mind by flirting with two and fooling around with one of the Chasan's best friends.

I spoke with him a couple years later and it didn't feel like we were an ocean away. I wanted to tell him how I still felt, but I didn't want to do anything to his marriage... so I stopped calling.

The funniest thing is that when Doll and I were talking recently she mentioned that Dan and I had gone out. Whoa!!!! I told her we never had and that it was a thought at decision based on how it might affect her. Man, we could've gone out and it wouldn't have made a difference.... just wishful thinking. I believe that I made the right choice and still have an amazing friend because of it.

Why am I writing about a relationship that never was from about twenty years ago? I spoke to Dan The Man last night... and laughed and talked about intuition and people and I felt that pull. He noticed my laugh and I listened to the cadence and accent in his voice. Grab a Jude Law movie and close your eyes. That's his voice.... exactly. I missed him. Don't know if we're going to talk again any time soon, although he mentioned it.

I sent him something that I wrote from this blog, but I don't think that he'll visit again. Or maybe there's a part of me that wants him to know the way I feel. I just won't act on it. I don't want to come between him and his wife. This time I don't want to hurt him.

How can I miss something I never had?

It's All For The Best OR Thank You Hashem

I should realize at this point that there's a reason for everything. I know there are some of you out there who do not believe that Hashem is involved in the day to day dealings of us mere humans. I beg to disagree; at least this has been my experience. Instead of thinking like that yesterday I only felt sorry for myself that things weren't working out for me the way I wanted; which would not have necessarily been the best for me.
Almost every time I think that I have things under control I am reminded that I don't have control of everything and that it really comes from Hashem. I know that I sound all "frummy" but let me explain.

I just a call from Doll she spoke with Mr. Wonderful/Not-So-Wonderful's friends AND they told her to tell me to stay away. "He's mentally unstable" So it really was for the best that he didn't call me back. If he had, who's to say what could have happened. Soooooo.... thank you Hashem because I most certainly didn't see who he was and ultimately it could've/would've been bad for me and DB.

I guess I'm lucky in that I get to see some of these reasons of why things have worked out in certain ways this quickly. Soooo.... after another knock upside my head I have to acknowledge that I may not necessarily know what's best for me all the time and be able to control things around me all the time AND THAT IS REALLY NOT A BAD THING.

And the $50,000, well, money most certainly isn't everything. It sure would make life a little easier... OK, OK, a lot easier, but being in a healthy relationship is certainly worth that amount. Plus the fact that DB is still in my custody and I can try to take care of him to the best of my abilities. Boruch Hashem we are both alive, healthy (for the most part) and able to laugh and enjoy life. I just read the post on kindness happens and it brings the point home.

Thank you all for listening/reading (I write like I talk so to me it's like you are listening) to me kvetch, whine, cry... I'm over it now and moving on. But it definitely feels good to know that there are people out there who care. Hashem has taught me another lesson... that I'm not alone.... just by not getting a phone call.