I'm A Country Gal And It Was A Good Day

Sitting here watching the ACM's, that's the American Country Music Awards for you city folk, I'm a happy camper singing along and tapping the computer keyboard in time to the music. There's a big grin on my face. I've had a pretty good day, and I can't ask for anything more because the DB was with me for part of it smiling, shooting some hoops and even tangoing his mom across the gym floor without an ounce of embarrassment.

It's funny how other people pick up on how you're feeling. Well, with me it's kind of obvious. OK, it's almost unavoidable to know how I'm feeling if you're near me or even talking to me on the phone. It's also neat to see how people are attracted to you when you're happy.

I went to pick up dinner tonight and a guy who works there was ready to pay for it for me, not to mention a single homey from Kansas who was flirting with me while I was at work and trying to find out if I was divorced or dating anyone. Then there was the customer who told me I had a great smile and wanted to know what hours I was in the store.

And I got a bonus today, a bracha from Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski for DB and he added on one for me too.

Earlier in the day, Bubbi was complaining of the noise her car was making. When I let her know it was just her muffler she told Zaidy that it was a little bit loose he asked, "How do you know?"

"CR told me."

"OK, we'll get it fixed," was what he replied, and it made Bubbi laugh because he didn't even question her once she told him that I was the one who diagnosed the problem.

It made me laugh too, when she told me. In case you haven't figured it out, Zaidy/Abba questions everything, and anything, and anyone's opinions. But not my judgement on car problems... too funny!

The bris was lots of fun and we had a huge family picture taken which didn't even include even 1/4 of the family, but still amounted to a whole bunch of people who love each other smiling next to one another.

OH! And when I got home from work Bubbi/Mom handed me a bag with some jewelry I had thought was lost forever; a signet ring, I got on my 16th birthday, my dad's watch that he got when graduating high school, he gave it to me when I did the same, plus some other pieces that had sentimental value. I have a ring on each hand right now, and it makes me feel so girly and fancy even with my fingernails that are bitten down to nothing.

All in all it was a good day.

Of course, the music and familiar accents just add even more to it. I hope you all had a good day too.

btw-how could I forget all the hugs and kisses from little ones and their parents.

A New Mother's Day

One of my many cousins actually lives in Oz, and on Mother's Day she became a mom for the first time. Both baby boy and mommy are doing fine.

MAZEL TOV!!!! MAZEL TOV!!!!

Babies

I love to be around them, love holding them and when you lean down to kiss them smelling that oh-so-sweet fresh baby smell, a mixture of baby shampoo, baby powder and soft baby skin.

Obviously, I have spent some time with babies this past week, and this afternoon giggle baby and I spent some time laughing together. He's just a mush, and a delicious cuddle bug. He's very smart, and loves to joke around, if you can imagine a little one not yet two, playing jokes.

His eyes get big and there's a mischevious glint in them. That in and of itself makes me laugh and then he pretends that he cannot find me just like I sometimes do with him. It is very difficult to be sad, upset or even serious when you are holding a smiling small person in your arms. Maybe that's why I've always loved children.

Welcome To the World!!!

MAZEL TOV!!!! MAZEL TOV!!!!

TB had a big beautiful baby boy! Hooray! Both Mommy and baby are fine and healthy. And Daddy and the three siblings are so excited along with the rest of the family.

Welcome To The World!!

MAZEL TOV!!!! MAZEL TOV!!!!

Shmellen had a beautiful baby boy! Hooray! Both Mommy and baby (JS) are fine and healthy. Don't really have time to write more. I'm extremely busy, but I couldn't let this wonderful occasion pass by without saying anything. xoxoxoxox I love you guys!

Yes Chaim, There Is No Tooth Fairy

WARNING: NOT G RATED



As you all know, I have a beautiful, bright, little boy. DB asked me about the birds and the bees a year ago. Jack recently wrote about his experience with telling his son about sex. It seems that every child says, "EEEEEW." DB continued with "You did that with Daddy?!?!?!"

Let me be clear I did not bring up the subject. DB asked as I was putting him to bed one night. That's when I get most of the questions that take longer than five minutes to answer; be they existential, involving world peace, about divorce or sex. I thought (and hoped) that he would just accept a one sentence answer to his question, " How did Aunt_____ have a baby?" As the experts advise, you should only answer the exact question asked. Don't volunteer information because if the child wants to know more they will ask more.

So I responded with, "The baby was inside her the way you were inside of Mommy and then the baby came out." I didn't expect DB to continue with his questioning. "Did the baby come out like me?" "Nope, the doctors had to open Mommy up and take you out. You were stuck."

Then DB's wonderful reasoning processes took over. "So how did the baby get out of Aunt ____?" I believe in using correct names for the parts of the body with DB because I want him to be able to be comfortable talking to his doctors and wife when he grows up. I know a lot of married friends have major issues with talking to their husbands and vice versa.

When I gave DB the answer, his eyes grew wide. "Really?!?!" "Yes, that's how Hashem makes it happen," is what I responded. He kept going, "How did the baby get there?"

I knew we were getting closer and closer to the real stuff. I talked to myself and said, "Just answer him without hesitating or being embarrassed. The way you answer now will set the precedence for all future sex talks. It's obvious that he feels comfortable asking you instead of his father. He trusts you to tell him the truth. Don't betray that. You don't want him going to his friends to find out that 'you can't get a girl pregnant the first time, etc...' ."

I took a deep breath and only answered his specific question, "There's an egg and a sperm. They meet inside the mommy, join, and a baby starts to grow." He was quiet for a moment and I thought I was out of the woods. BUT THEN, "How does the sperm and egg get there?" "The egg is in the mommy and the sperm comes from the daddy." I was trying my best to hold him off, but it was futile.

Then DB asked the all important, "How does the sperm get inside the mommy?" I answered with exact terms. And after he asked a couple more questions I got the "eeeew" response.

"Do animals do that when they mate?" DB's an animal freak and if he has a choice would watch Animal Planet or The Discovery Channel all day. It would follow that he would ask that question.

He then proceeded to ask me the same questions several more times. I think it was for the sake of trying to trip me up because he didn't quite believe me. Then he said "I can't wait to tell cousin #1 and cousin #2 how they got their baby." OMG!!!!

Hashem was definitely with me on this one. My brain was in shock and most definitely couldn't think fast enough for this answer, "Sex involves private parts that you don't show anyone so you don't talk about them with other people because it's private. Not to your cousins, and most certainly not to your friends at school. Their parents will explain it to them the way I did for you."

No, I'm not that naive to think that DB will never talk about sex with "the guys." It's just not appropriate for him to do so now. Plus, I don't feel like receiving irate phone calls from twenty parents.

I repeated myself a bunch of times until I was sure that he understood completely. I explained that he wasn't supposed to tell children about sex the same way he wasn't supposed to tell them that there really wasn't a tooth fairy.

When DB got his first loose tooth at the early age of five. I excitedly informed him that when it fell out of his mouth he would put it under his pillow and in the morning he would find some money from the Tooth Fairy.

"Nuh uh, Mommy. There is no such thing as the Tooth Fairy." I couldn't believe he said that. I tried to feel him out in case he was testing me and I asked him if someone told him that or if he heard some big kids saying it. He told me no and I said to him that of course there is a tooth fairy. He adamantly responded, "NO! There isn't."

The time came for me to ask how he knew there wasn't one if that was really the case. "Becuz fairies only exist in 'chanted (enchanted) gardens and there's no such thing as 'chanted gardens."

I started coughing to hide my laughter. This kid was unbelievable! "OK DB, then who puts the money under the pillow?" He rolled his eyes at me (first time that took place) and answered "parents do," in a tone that said "just how dumb do you thing I am?"

This took place while we were driving to school. We had this conversation through the rearview mirror. We were nearly there, and I had to make sure that he didn't ruin this for any other children. I emphatically said that just because he figured it out did not mean that he was allowed to tell any of his friends. They would figure it out for themselves when they started losing their teeth. "I know, Mom," once again with that same tone and rolling eyes.



Back to the reason for this post, What do you men or women plan on telling your sons or have told your sons about masturbation? The day after DB and I had the sex talk I went out and got two good books.

How You Were Born by Joanna Cole (a reading rainbow book) no mentioning of how the sperm and egg get together, and What's The Big Secret? Talking About Sex With Girls And Boys by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown of Arthur fame. This book is more explicit, but also deals with good and bad touches. The thing is it brought up masturbation. I kinda skipped over that part 'cause I wasn't sure how to deal with it.

Personally, I don't think that it's wrong in anyway, and I don't want DB to grow up feeling guilty for doing it. I believe that would just lead to him thinking that his body and sexuality is not beautiful. I want him to feel comfortable in his skin and not to feel ashamed for thoughts or actions that cannot be prevented. I also want him to have a happy and fulfilling marriage and sex life.

There are so many posts out there that deal with being shomer negiah, sex, the singles crisis (XGH, PL, Curlygirl), but I haven't really found that many about masturbation I want to know how you other OJ's whether MO's, RWOJ's or even Chassidish people plan on telling your sons when they ask and are of age? Do you also believe that it is wrong for girls to masturbate and why?

More Great News!!

Shmellen my friend and sort of relative is due soon. Of course, I just found out yesterday. You see, just because I'm close with someone doesn't necessarily mean that we speak every day. We haven't spoken for about 4 months, but we picked up right where we left off.

Anyway her news absolutely and completely made my day yesterday. I'm so excited!!!!! I'm going to pick her up from work today and give her a lot of my baby and child care books including Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Baby. She's going to need her sleep since she will be raising the baby alone. Yup, Shmellen is having the baby without being married and without the baby's dad being involved. No, it was not an accident. She planned it out, and asked shailas and her brother started learning about it for her (halacha wise).

I'm soooooo excited. I already called that I get to babysit, and that the baby will call me Aunt CR. I'm also sooo impressed and blown away, by her guts. Shmellen is my age and she didn't want to wait anymore. I know how she feels. I have been thinking about having another baby for quite some time, and DB has been asking since forever. Of course, I'm not in a financial position to do so. Still, I started reading about the halachos, because I don't know if I will ever get re-married. I would most definitely like to meet Mr. Right and have a big happy family, but that might not happen. Actually, I vacillate between wanting to get married and live my life without a husband. Notice that I didn't write man because there would be no way for me to give up men, but I think that y'all know that already.

B'Sha'a Tova (In Good Time, At The Right Time)

Wonderful News delivered on my brother's b-day no less. I'm going to be an aunt again... for the seventh time. It's been about two years since the last boy was born. They're all boys and I'm jealous. Not in the way that I wish I could take this joy from them and give it to me, but in the way that I want to have more children too.

I've been thinking about that lately, and whether or not I will actually have the guts to get pregnant one day even if I'm not married. Don't get me wrong. I want to get married (at least I do today), but if it doesn't happen I don't want to lose the chance to have more children while waiting for Mr. Right (let's be realistic, Mr. Almost-Right).

I had a miserable pregnancy with DB and yes, I would suffer through it all over again. First there was the fear of miscarriage. The doctor didn't want to call my first visits (for DB) pregnancy visits until we were able to see the heartbeat and my blood levels were up. It's because of the mis that I had.

The doctor was doing the first ultrasound on my first pregnancy (before DB) and there was an empty sac. He was put on the spot and felt so bad telling us. Then stbx got tears in his eyes and I had to comfort him and make the doctor feel more at ease. This was during the eleventh week. I think I was in denial and shock. He asked me if I wanted to wait until it happened naturally and I immediately replied that if it wasn't a baby I wanted it out of me. I didn't want to feel pregnant if I wasn't. That was just too hard. So it was scheduled to take place less than a week. I also had the choice of having it done in the hospital or his office. Since the office could be scheduled quicker that's what I chose.

I was fine for the first few weeks after and then it hit.... and hard. The babies, the children, the families all ripped at my heart. One of the things that I had always known about myself was that I was born to be a mom. I have this connection with children and babies, and everyone who knows me agrees. Maybe it's their innocence and unconditional love.

Anyway, the job I had made it even harder. I saw children and pregnant women every day usually every hour. The fact that no one knew made it even harder. Stbx could've cared less, "Get over it. It happened weeks ago." I didn't even try to explain it to him. Useless to do so, and I was starting to recognize that. I did tell one co-worker when it was just too much one day and someone (actually most of the customers) had asked me when I was finally going to have a child. I smiled and turned away with tears in my eyes. I had to leave for awhile and I came back with the three dots that shape a triangle that I get on my upper right cheek near my eye whenever I cry.

It was a release to finally let someone else know. Of course, after I had DB and was talking to friends of mine and other new moms in the community I discovered that almost all of them had had miscarriages and that half of them had a miscarriage in their first pregnancy. WHOA!!! If only the doctor would've told me or if there was even an article about it at the mikva. Because you don't discuss this with people when you're trying... then they know you're trying and ask you how it's going. I would've felt hundreds of times better if I knew this. To this day I am still finding out about people having miscarriages on their first and second tries. I'm also finding out that it hurts just as much even when you already have two children.

Then there was the weight gain and morning sickness. I wasn't vomiting so I gained ninety (yes, nine zero) lbs. The only things I could eat were white bread, potato chips, noodles, sour cream, bologna and potatoes-white potatoes for the first 4 1/2 months. I couldn't sleep or stand because of the nausea and the only way to stop it was to actually be chewing and swallowing. I had to go into a separate room if people wanted to eat anything other than those items.

I also had amniocentesis done, but no one told me that most women experience cramping after it. That was scary. Then there was some bleeding and I was hospitalized and had to take it easy after that. Finally after 24 hours of labor, three of which involved pushing without an epidural and while on pitocin (it makes the contractions so much harder) and trying every possible position to get that baby out of me. I asked for a knife because I was ready to cut him out myself then and there. Don't mess with a woman in delivery. I felt a contraction coming and ORDERED the anesthesiologist to hold my foot so I could push. He just looked at me until I YELLED at him to "HOLD MY FOOT!!!" Then he couldn't move fast enough.

Finally after the c-section the darlin' boy was born, albeit with his skull rubbed raw from where he had been trying to get past my tailbone. It stayed that way for a week until it finally scabbed over. Back labor isn't fun for anyone involved.

Anyway... I forgot what I was writing about... Oh! Wanting more kids... HA! Even after all that and a couple months of colic, I do... I really do want to have more children. I have so much love to give and share. I used to feel bad that DB didn't have a sibling to go through this horrible divorce with, but if he had who knows if I would've been able to help him as much and to discover his learning issues.

btw - DB is extremely bright and I don't want to just focus on his weaknesses like reading and writing. I want to also push his strengths... any type of reasoning, logic, spatial etc. Anyone have any ideas how to do this??? I'll probably have to get some more books, and do some more reading to figure out how to work on this.

It's In

The forensic report that is. And custody stays the same. I have full custody, legal and physical. The forensic didn't really have anything bad to say about me. I'm going to read it tomorrow at my attorney's. But this is

ABSOLUTELY, FREAKIN',


UNBELIEVABLYAMAZING!!!!!!!!


YAY!!!!! HOORAY!!! WOO HOO!!!!


I want to shout it from the rooftops. I don't have to worry about the way I parent DB anymore. Thank you, thank you, Hashem. If I had everyone's phone numbers I would have called all you guys and told you this great news.

Of course, it doesn't mean that anything about relocation is resolved, but it's one less thing for me to worry about. And it does help my case. The trial is still up in the air and it looks like I might be stuck in Oz for at least another six months, possibly a year but still.....

I want to hug and kiss everyone I see. I've been smiling and talking to strangers the whole day. Not about the case... just about whatever. I've been helping moms with babies and shopping carts, offering suggestions about books for children, offering cold drinks to the postman and doorman, letting old people cross the road and smiling and waving back to them, talking to garbage men, cashiers and anyone else I come in contact with. Don't stand too close I might start talking to you next. Some of these people initiated conversations with me, but that was only after I was smiling at them.

Hashem has created a beautiful world. I can finally care for DB without looking over my shoulder. Free at last. Free at last. Thank G-d Almighty I'm free at last!

I'm It

lvsnm27 tagged me so here it goes

1) Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves.

2) The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed.

3) At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.



1) I almost married someone who wasn't Jewish and was willing to convert for me. I said no because my mother was able to listen to me talk about it without judging and without telling me not to. She never said what she was thinking that not only wasn't he the right guy for me because he wasn't Jewish, but also because he just wasn't the right one for me.

2) I've held a madagascar cockroach. I never saw myself doing this, but DB's a boy and I don't want him to be scared to do boy things.... so I have to show him there's nothing to be scared of.... which is why I can also bait hooks with night crawlers. My dad's jaw almost hit the bottom of the lake when he saw me do that one.

3) I love romantic movies that make me cry like Jane Eyre, The Lake House, Cinema Paradiso, Casablanca.

4) I've broken almost all my fingers (no, not at the same time) most from basketball, some from skiing, and one from punching someone. I'm not violent. I was just proving to a guy that I knew how to throw a punch. He threw a punch at the same time and our fists connected with a loud crack.

5) It's easier for me to clean someone else's house than my own. I hate my apt. and it doesn't matter how much I clean or straighten because I'm always pulling out more papers and I have boxes of legal documents stacked in my living room. It constantly reminds me of the predicament I'm in. My home is my office and that includes my bedroom.

6) I love when people introduce me to new music, any kinds. So if you enjoy something let me know.

7) I would really love to be a lawyer (part-time, see #8)and I know I'm good at it because I basically wrote the brief and reply brief for my appeal and won it unanimously. BUT I am soooooo sick of the system and that the lower court judges feel they can get away with not following case law because most people can't afford to appeal and have their decisions overturned.

8) I love being a mom soooo much, would like to have at least three more kids, and be able to stay home and take care of them until they go to school. I'm scared that as I get older it looks less possible for this to take place. DB is desperate for a sibling so much so that he doesn't care if it's a girl or a boy, "But Mommy I really do want a baby brother. I can teach him how to play basketball and I will pick up all my Legos so he won't choke on them."

I tag nice jewish guy, smoo, chaverah, lakewood venter, passionate life, jacob da jew, frum satire, shoshana