When We're Married....

Teen, this man that I met on Frumster has been talking as if we are going to get married. He has not met me, and I have not led him on in any way. I haven't been sliding any sexual innuendos into our conversations and I most certainly haven't been talking about marriage. GEEZ LOUISE!!! I haven't even told him that I like him.

I was speaking to a friend of mine tonight and I mentioned that Teen is not the first guy who has brought up marriage before we have even met and without me encouraging the topic in anyway. I have been trying to figure it out. Am I doing something.... am I saying something.... am I choosing to answer the messages of guys who do this? I figure it must be me because this happens so often. Or maybe not... maybe it's just that the guys out there want to get married and when they find someone they enjoy talking to and who listens to them they set their hopes on her.

But it's not like Teen has proposed or anything like that. Although, I do feel he is rushing things.... A LOT.

This got me to thinking about past relationships and how close some of them have come to marriage. I think that I might have led on some of them. Nope, changed my mind.... I think that I loved them, but when it came down to the wire I couldn't think of spending my life with them.

Of course, the first two happened even before I was twenty. One my senior year of high school and he was a college senior. The other one happened that summer after I graduated. I broke it off with both of them. As much as I liked dreaming about being married I was most certainly not ready and neither of them were the right guy for me.

The next two guys were after seminary. One was a divorced older guy and good friends with the guy who asked me two summers earlier. The other wasn't Jewish, but he was the closest I came to saying yes before I met my stbx. Part of the draw to Not-Jewish was his family background William James, psychologist, Henry James, author, Maxfield Parrish and Jean Parrish, artists. How I came to go out with Not-Jewish is for another time. Then there was the Israeli guy, best friends with Doll's husband. He thought that since we made out we would be getting married. There wasn't even any sex and he didn't speak any English, but I did speak Hebrew.

After stbx, there was Mr. Complex (as in Napoleon) and Mr. Move To Israel, and now Teen. Am I giving off marriage vibes like some sort of pheromones through the phone lines??

Anniversary

Finally figured out why I was so down. Next month will mark the nth year of the divorce.... NO! Not since the divorce, but of the ongoing divorce... soon to be completed?!?!?!

I called up Mamasita (good friend and relative) to whine, cry and kvetch, and as I was talking it finally came to me. Of course, she made me feel better. What are good friends for? She stops me from beating up on myself, and told me that if she were in this situation, thank G-d she's not(I wouldn't wish it on anyone), she would not be able to be happy half the time that I am.

I didn't tell Mr. Charm about how down I was until after speaking to Mamasita. He sounded concerned and kind of confused that he didn't know I had been sad for awhile. It's not that I was hiding it from him or maybe I was. I've been trying to figure out what's been going on between us and I don't really know. I've told him almost everything about me, and things are very comfortable.... BUT.... Here comes the big one.... BUT I don't know where we are going. I'm enjoying the ride, but I would like to know if there is a destination ahead. Does there really have to be a destination right now? I don't know. There's the distinct possibility that I am overthinking things (again).


To tell or not to tell..... I really hate the fact that Mr. Charm thinks that he was the first guy I went out with. I feel like scuz... but I just didn't think I would feel this way about him. Let's just say I feel this desperate need to come clean. Do I tell him over the phone or do I wait and tell him in person? I just want to get it over and done with. Not the relationship. Maybe I'm just doing too much thinking and this isn't as big a deal as I am making it out to be.

This is why I hate lying. It always gets you into difficult situations. I mean, I know why I lied. I didn't want him to think of me as a slut. I did go out and have sex with the first guy I saw. No, this is not Mr. Move To Israel. I completely forgot about Mr. One Night Stand. Story for another time. I guess everyone makes mistakes getting back out there... but boy do mine feel like whoppers (pun intended).

I've come to the conclusion that I am going to tell him tonight. Wish me luck.

Not In Kansas Anymore

This is my first post. Yes, I'm a blogger virgin, but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it quickly just like I got the hang of.....

I guess it's not just guys who have one track minds, but that's not the only reason I'm writing this. I just started dipping my high heeled shoes in the dating pool and it's not as much fun as I thought it would be. Perhaps swimming with sharks would be the proper description. I'm not originally from NY, and I didn't go to camp or college up here. I'm a real out-of-towner stuck in Oz, and I just want to click my heels and wake up with a loving man beside me.

So I joined Frumster (of course), and Saw You at Sinai (not for me). I even tried J-date. But is anyone on that site really interested in getting married? Within months I have become confused, disillusioned and frustrated. I feel like I keep on seeing the same guys over and over again. In fact, two look so much alike (I'm going to see if I can somehow put their picture/pictures? on this post) that I thought they were twins, or one guy is borrowing another's picture (with or without permission). I know that you can't see pictures of the same sex on Frumster, although I haven't figured out why. NO, I'm not naive, but I'm sure that if someone was looking for a gay lover they wouldn't be doing it on Frumster. Or would they?!?

I started reading the blogs of people who are also looking for Mr. or Mrs. (Yeshivish, Yeshivish Modern, Modern Machmir etc....) Right, and started to realize that this search might take some time. Did I write "some time"? I meant till the end of time. At least that's the way it feels. How can I possibly be ready for a break from dating when I have only gone out with two guys? I'm not counting Mr. Napoleon Complex that I spoke to for over a month (maybe I should count him) and never ended up meeting him. He was in Toronto and I'm in Oz. He did want to fly me up to see him, but I found out he lied to me extensively so I ended it before it even began. Of course, it wasn't a clean break. He kept on calling, but not with an apology. He just wanted to blame me. The last thing he said to me before I hung up on him was that he spoke to a mekubal, and he said that I would be miserable the rest of life if I didn't marry Mr. Complex, get pregnant immediately and stand in the kitchen barefoot.

I thought I learned my lesson with Mr. Complex. Little did I know that there is more than one lesson to learn. Number two and I did manage to meet, however briefly. You see, he was moving to Israel two weeks after our first date. Ok ok , I shouldn't even have started talking to him on the phone it's just that it was very alluring to have someone interested in me. I've been in the process of a divorce for a number of years.... guess again, it's been longer than that. Anyway, during that time I haven't (got to change that to past tense now) I didn't go out with anyone or even talk to anyone. Yes, I talk to guys it's just that I was busy, tied up emotionally and being chased by the Wicked Warlock of the North(the ex).

Back to number two and the mistakes I made with him...

1. continued writing to him even after he said he was moving to Israel
2. talked to him too much on the phone before we finally met
3. had sex less than five hours after I picked him up at the airport
4. let him get away with not taking me out Sat. night

I could go on and on and on........ but he's gone now and I've met a wonderful Mr. Three-Time's-The-Charm.

The only problem is Mr. Charm is... Well, maybe I shouldn't get into that right now. He might end up reading this. The other issue is that I didn't tell Mr. Charm about the first two. I had decided that I was going to tell each guy that he was the first (you've heard about the women who are regaining their virginity) since I've been divorced. Can't wait to get those papers that set me free. That's one of the reason why I was waiting to find the Wonderful Wizard of Oz (aka Mr. Right). Then I could see how they would treat me after hearing this. Would they take me out and try to make it a date I wouldn't forget or would it turn into a date I would regret?

I didn't think anything would take place with Mr. Charm especially after the other dates so I didn't bother telling him the truth. Another lesson learned!!!!!

I didn't mean to mislead him, and I am someone who has a difficult time lying and living with myself if I do lie. Maybe part of the reason for writing this blog is so that he will read it and I won't have to tell him myself. It's just that I didn't expect to go out with him for more than a couple of dates and..... it's been more than a couple at this point. Anyway, I have now learned the lesson that I shouldn't have to tell a guy that this is my first date because he should plan for it because it's "our" first date.

I think that I am done for today... but I would gladly appreciate any and all advice since it's quite possible that I don't even belong in the water yet.