The Name Of This Blog

Mak once asked me awhile back if I was ever going to change the name of my blog once I found Mr. Right. I still haven't come to a decision regarding that, but I have said yes to Mr. Rose.

He asked. I answered.

I love him.

There's so much more to say, and of course, I will. If I have the time, I'll continue to do so now. If not, you'll get it in bits and pieces as I plan for our wedding.

OMG!!!!!! I'm getting married to the most wonderful man I've ever met!!!!!!!

A New Friend

The man 11 years older than I am called me tonight to ask if I got anything today. I had a busy day and didn't get a chance to get the mail or see if the doorman had anything for me. While he was on the phone with me I went downstairs got the mail and.... two dozen gorgeous roses. The picture here doesn't even do them justice.

We haven't even gone out yet, and he wasn't being pushy at all. In fact he signed the card, "Your friend." The rest of the note said, "Thank you for being you and putting a smile on my face."

I opened the box up and tears immediately came to my eyes. Y'all know how much flowers mean to me and these are amazingly beautiful flowers. He told me that he chose the colors too, pink, red, orange, and lavendar in a red vase.

He has just given himself his name... Mr. Rose

btw-Mr. B made sure to call today, and tell me what a good time he had last night. He also wanted to make a date for tomorrow night, but I might be getting ready to go to Kansas.

Summer Nights

It's warm out tonight. The sky isn't that dark yet. It's all blue, a light sky color, to royal, to a deep midnight blue. It's part of my favorite time of night. I love the color blue. The stars are out and I recognize Orion in the familiar place it takes in the summer sky at this time of year.

I used to have a hammock, and in the warm weather instead of sitting on the glider in DB's room and reading his bedtime stories, he would lie cuddled next to me on it under the stars with the three books chosen for that night. When it was really warm out we would go out with his hair still wet from his bath and it would keep us both cool. Once or twice he fell asleep while we did this, and I just stayed there for an hour or two looking up at the stars feeling content that my darlin' boy was peaceful and next to me.

I hadn't thought about this for awhile. DB is bigger now. He doesn't fit that well on my lap when I'm on the glider so we read in his bed. The stories are also different; The Count of Monte Cristo, The Last Of The Mohicans, but Dr. Seuss hasn't left the group quite yet, although Green Eggs And Ham, and Hop On Pop have.

I know that if DB weren't dyslexic I wouldn't be reading him any bedtime stories at all. That's about the only good thing that I can see in him being dyslexic. There are times now when he wants to "read" something on his own, and the occasions that I sing to him our repertoire of lullabies are also decreasing.

He's growing up... beautifully. I remember the day I walked into his room in the morning and he was standing up for the first time holding onto the crib rails with a big grin of accomplishment on his face. It took me all of a minute to grab my camera and record it for posterity, but I didn't really need to. Closing my eyes, I can still see that sweet face smiling at me.

His manners are also improving. I wrote improving, after all he is a boy and a child, but yesterday I didn't need to remind him to hold open the door for Bubbi and to say thank you. We stopped in a gallery and DB stood talking to the owner about Chagall, texture and color and how he paints. He is so grown up for a little munch, but the next moment he was discussing who is a stronger alien in the cartoon Ben 10 (tv show he watches with his dad), and acting out what the character does.

He's a special boy, and I'm so lucky to be his mom. I hope all you other mom's (including mr. moms) enjoy your children and have a Happy Mother's Day.

I'm A What?!?!?

You Were Born Under:

Full of spunk, you are the original party animal. You bring fun, activity, and stimulation to any event. Self-control is not one of your strong points; you have been known to over indulge. Cheerful and energetic, you can turn the most boring thing into something fun. You are most compatible with a Rat or Dragon.

What Year Were You Born Under?

Swinging

Get your mind out of the gutter!! I'm talking about playgrounds. Last week I went with a friend and our children to a park. It was so much fun. I think I might have had as good if not a better time than the kids did.

The first place the munchkins headed was to the swings, and I was the designated pusher while my friend was on the phone trying to get a date. As soon as he hung up, I jumped onto an available swing and stayed there for at least a half hour. I only stopped swinging to take off my jacket. It was about 50 degrees out maybe a little more, and all that pumping and pushing was getting me hot even though I didn't have my shoes on. One had fallen off while I was flying through the air, and instead of stopping my fun to get it I just kicked off the other one.

I guess it looked like I was having a good time because my friend got on the swing next to me and away we went. When I looked over the playground it seemed that almost all the adults and some of the older children thought we were the main attraction, and I guess we were because of how far up we were able to get.

There was just no way that I was going to let him swing higher than I could. My stomach did little turns that made me giggle when I was at the peak of the swing and I came out of the seat a little. It felt like free fall. My laughter didn't stop there. I was just having so much fun and felt so alive that it would spontaneously burst out of me with a big grin on my face accompanying it.

I did get off the swings (reluctantly) when children were waiting for their turns, but only by jumping off. It was too bad that there was a fence because then I would have tried to jump off with the swing higher and higher in the air just like I did in fourth grade.

The next best thing to swinging is playing "run around." When you chase children and they run away from you yelling and screaming with big smiles on their faces while looking back to make sure that you're coming to get them. It all started with some crinkly, dry leaves and a child who decided that I would look great wearing them on my head. The children were trying to get them into my clothes, and I was just trying to make sure that my clothes were still covering my body. Only then did I ask my friend if it had been possible for people to see up my skirt while I was on the swings. He told me no because he had tried and didn't get to see anything. Of course, I couldn't stop cracking up at that.

We stayed in the park until the shadows were getting longer and the air turned colder. There was a part of me that wanted to stay until the park closed. That was when the adult took over and I left the child behind on the swings, but I took the smile and laughter with me.

Tagged!

I was tagged by Frum House to do "the eight". This post took much longer than expected because I felt the need to explain my choices which is really another one of my passions... understanding the reason why about something.


8 passions in my life:

My family, especially DB - This means being a good daughter, sister, aunt, cousin and most importantly a good mother, and being a good mother includes not talking bad about DB's father to or around DB

Sex/men - Enjoying, appreciating, accepting and understanding (well, trying to understand) the differences between men and women and revelling in them.

Smiling/being able to laugh at most anything

Children - being with them, sometimes acting like one and viewing the world through their eyes

Reading - It was an escape for me when I was a child and I didn't want to/wasn't able to face the hurt in the world. It still is. Plus books are a source of knowledge and "if you can read a book you can do anything" - CR's mom

Judging someone favorably. You never know what they're going through or have been through.

Enjoying the world around me and being thankful for the ability to enjoy it which includes sunsets, water, wind, people

loving unconditionally and often - most definitely includes hugs and kisses... yummy.

If I could add something here it would be manners. They show that you respect, care about and are considerate of the people around you.


8 things I often say:

I don't know. What do you think? Let's go look it up. - I say this to DB to show him that adults don't know everything... no one does and that there's nothing wrong with admitting it, but then you have to go find the answer.

I'm not promising, but I'll do my best. - I DO NOT promise!!! I've been disappointed to many times by people who have promised things to me and I will not hurt anyone the same way.

Stooooooop it!!!! - said with laughter in my voice

OK, I admit it. You're right.

Bet you a nickel - in my family the most we bet, actually the only amount we bet is a nickel.

I was wrong. I'm sorry. - I say this to people when I'm wrong (No duh, CR), and that includes DB. I want him to understand that everyone deserves an apology even children.

All I care about is that you tried your best. - The result (sometimes) doesn't matter if you have tried and tried to do your best at something.

Thank you, Hashem. - I say this when I find something, when I see DB's smile, when I realize just how lucky I am, whenever and wherever.


8 books I read recently:

Time Travel in Einstein's Universe: The Physical Possibilities of Travel Through Time by J. Richard Gott - I am a geek and am actually enjoying learning physics or some of the concepts. This book explains how and if certain famous science fiction stories of time travel could work or not work.

Chofetz Chaim A Daily Companion; The Concepts and Laws of Proper Speech

Brother Odd by Dean Koontz. - I really enjoy his books. OK, that's an understatement. They are filled with love, determination, facing your fears, humor, and belief in the human race.

The EVERYTHING Parent's Guide to Children With Dyslexia by Abigail Marshall. - An amazing book that's filled with so much useful information about understanding and helping a child with dyslexia

If I Ran The Zoo by Dr. Seuss. - DB's choice for a bedtime story last night.

Pride And Prejudice by Jane Austen - I'm a sucker for romance.

Between Parent And Child by Dr. Haim G. Ginott revised and updated - A wonderful parenting book that teaches among other things not to blame just to acknowledge and move forward.

New York Civil Practice Law and Rules (2003 Redbook) and case law regarding divorce and child custody issues. I wish I was able to afford LexisNexis online. It would make my life so much easier. And yes, I know I need a newer version of the CPLR.


8 songs that mean something to me:

I Love You A Bushel And A Peck from Guys And Dolls - My mother still sings it to me and just about everyone else. I've adopted the practice and have passed it down to DB and some of his cousins.

Put Your Shoes On, Lucy by Petula Clark - We sing it when we are getting dressed and getting ready to go out.

Marine Corp Anthem - My father used to sing it to my brother and me as a lullaby.

It's An Outrage! from Oklahoma! - DB sings it by heart and with the exact accents, tones, inflections and actions as the actors.

My Little Boy words and music by my mom. - It was originally titled My Little Pearl but when my brother was born she would sing it to him as My Little Boy. I've added another verse specifically for DB.

Now Run Along Home And Jump Into Bed - My mother would sing it to us as the first lullaby of the night. She usually continued with at least one more song when putting us to sleep as children.

Everything Is Going To Be Alright music and words by my mom. The explanation about why I love this song is in this post.

Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond - Thursday nights cooking for Shabbos and dancing around the kitchen with my momand brother.


8 Qualities I look for in a friend:

Non-judgemental/acceptance

loving (which means giving of yourself without expecting anything in return)

making yourself available

sense of humor/fun-loving

understanding or trying to understand

ability to listen

kindness/caring

forgiveness


8 people I tag:

Tr8ergirl
Chaverah
Ellie
Curly Girl
Sarah
Shosh
Jack
Smoo
Lubab

I've realized that most of what I've written in this post has to do with being an example for DB so that he will one day grow up to be a happy, loving, considerate, caring man surrounded by others who feel the same for him.

It's In

The forensic report that is. And custody stays the same. I have full custody, legal and physical. The forensic didn't really have anything bad to say about me. I'm going to read it tomorrow at my attorney's. But this is

ABSOLUTELY, FREAKIN',


UNBELIEVABLYAMAZING!!!!!!!!


YAY!!!!! HOORAY!!! WOO HOO!!!!


I want to shout it from the rooftops. I don't have to worry about the way I parent DB anymore. Thank you, thank you, Hashem. If I had everyone's phone numbers I would have called all you guys and told you this great news.

Of course, it doesn't mean that anything about relocation is resolved, but it's one less thing for me to worry about. And it does help my case. The trial is still up in the air and it looks like I might be stuck in Oz for at least another six months, possibly a year but still.....

I want to hug and kiss everyone I see. I've been smiling and talking to strangers the whole day. Not about the case... just about whatever. I've been helping moms with babies and shopping carts, offering suggestions about books for children, offering cold drinks to the postman and doorman, letting old people cross the road and smiling and waving back to them, talking to garbage men, cashiers and anyone else I come in contact with. Don't stand too close I might start talking to you next. Some of these people initiated conversations with me, but that was only after I was smiling at them.

Hashem has created a beautiful world. I can finally care for DB without looking over my shoulder. Free at last. Free at last. Thank G-d Almighty I'm free at last!

Dreams

My words seem so much more than inadequate. Too flowery and old fashioned for times of computers and devices that make handwritten letters obsolete.
I watch movies that make me cry wishing I had that love.
Someone to share that physically powerful
emotion
that can bring me to tears
aches in my chest with the fullness of joy
That is what I want in life
dreams of movies, fairy tales, and love letters
the poetry of joy filling my soul
honeysuckle sweetness and children’s laughter
the awesomeness of skies shining with everlasting
stars and twinkling
like glorious drops of rain on windows
mirroring images of fires stoked
filling home with warmth and comfort
that insulates the world
from the fierce and insatiable love between two.

I wish to be one of that two.
To be filled with thankfulness
to feel beauty in my love
in his love
looks of adoration
that brings such smiles upon humanity,
that sees grace in the flight of a paper bag drifting in the wind,
and attracts eyes with the understanding of fulfillment,
and the wish to share it.

It doesn’t matter that these overdone, over thought words fill people with laughter.
Words are not good enough anyway.
If I could write music, perhaps notes would fill the air
with longing
like the call of a loon across a moonlit lake.
But even then those phrases, those sounds would be inadequate to express what I wish for,
and dream of.

Dreams may be the only way to express these harbored emotions.

Sailboats flying through fields of golden wheat
The whiteness of the rippling cloth
expressing the pureness of these desires
the wind captured in their smooth folds
the way my heart is held in his hands.
He holds my face gently with those callused palms
and looks into my eyes waiting for the return of the rapture
he shines upon me;
rays of mellow sunlight
through the dappled leaves of Renoir paintings,
and the lightness
in Chagall’s pair of lovers flying
through the flowers of soft kissed dreams,
Van Gogh’s passionate swirls and dashes
with thickened strokes and deepened hues
expressing the insanity of his infatuation,
the languor and almond eyes of Gauguin island girls
satiated with the taste of foreign fruits.
I long to endure until
those sensations overtake me.

But all of this is only a dream, not the bricks of reality to build a stable life.
Is it possible to combine the two?
To fill my heart with passion and my home with security.
I’m afraid that the answer is
no
as unbending and cold as the steel rail on the steps of my home
leading to a life of
empty wishes and desires unfulfilled.

Dreams of ecstasy
wake to the boredom of beds unmade from sleep
not from writhing bodies locked in the grasp of exaltation;
tasting the sweet salty drops on skin exquisite
as the pain of waiting till the next union.

My hopes, cigarettes drowning in city puddles
surrounded by buried dreams of wanting,
waiting for fulfillment
Shoved aside by rush hour pedestrians running
to their prisons of moneyed lives
ignoring the ache and want of recognition in a stranger’s eyes.
Dusty rugs dragged from their hearts
with horns and honks shocking them to life
to the clamour and screams of their souls.
But then too afraid to witness possibilities
and this awakening;
the mind floods with doubts
sinking the brave
heart that swims waves of emotion
risking the pull of dark riptides
into grey oceans of normality
day to day sameness.

I yearn for someone to return that passion
that I extend in these clumsy strokes, notes,
words that are too plain
too small
to express the arguments of possibility.

This is what happens after watching these movies of love unrequited
but fulfilled in a manner unexpected
all the more so satisfying to the heart.

This is what occurs after reading love letters
written long ago expressing the sentiments
inflicted upon these passionate
artists, writers, composers, scientists
striving for the fulfillment of
their souls empty
without
The Other,
The One,
The Lover,

These lusts for perfection in days are an embarrassment
and laughable in their adolescent exaggerations
and childish idealism.