Over It

What Yossi wrote in the comments of my last posts kind of hit home and helped a lot. I spoke to Mr. Rose tonight. I was calm and quiet and told him what hurt me and instead of saying the negative of not doing it in the future, I asked him to do the positive of what I want. What I need from him.

He responded like the wonderful, amazing man he is and apologized and said that he would do it in the future. Then I mentioned that I knew that he knew that something had been bothering me and I asked him why he hadn't brought it up. He answered that he knew I would talk to him about it when I was ready. He was right. Ugh!! He's right an awful lot.

So things are fine now... but I just didn't realize how hurt or angry he could make me. Whoa!!! It freaks me out a little to feel those things so strongly, but I guess that goes along with how strongly I care for and about him.

I love him so I'll keep going and learn along the way. I'm so glad I have this blog as a release and for the support and advice y'all give me. It helps!!! so so so much!!! Thank you!!

The Name Of This Blog

Mak once asked me awhile back if I was ever going to change the name of my blog once I found Mr. Right. I still haven't come to a decision regarding that, but I have said yes to Mr. Rose.

He asked. I answered.

I love him.

There's so much more to say, and of course, I will. If I have the time, I'll continue to do so now. If not, you'll get it in bits and pieces as I plan for our wedding.

OMG!!!!!! I'm getting married to the most wonderful man I've ever met!!!!!!!

Tension Can Be Painful

My shoulder and neck hurt. A friend of mine says that I am carrying a lot of weight on them. I don't know about that.

What I do know is that I am so thankful for those air activated sticky heating pads. They loosen up my neck and take some of the pain away. Without them I would be stuck at home with a plugged in heating pad on my shoulder or standing in a hot shower letting the water pound out the knots.

What I would really love is to have some strong hands massaging these painful spasms away. Until that time, I will take advil, try to stop clenching my jaw (it just adds to the tightness in my neck that travels up to and into my ear), and try to relax.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. It's hard to sleep when you're tossing and turning trying to find a way to get comfortable.

Summer Nights

It's warm out tonight. The sky isn't that dark yet. It's all blue, a light sky color, to royal, to a deep midnight blue. It's part of my favorite time of night. I love the color blue. The stars are out and I recognize Orion in the familiar place it takes in the summer sky at this time of year.

I used to have a hammock, and in the warm weather instead of sitting on the glider in DB's room and reading his bedtime stories, he would lie cuddled next to me on it under the stars with the three books chosen for that night. When it was really warm out we would go out with his hair still wet from his bath and it would keep us both cool. Once or twice he fell asleep while we did this, and I just stayed there for an hour or two looking up at the stars feeling content that my darlin' boy was peaceful and next to me.

I hadn't thought about this for awhile. DB is bigger now. He doesn't fit that well on my lap when I'm on the glider so we read in his bed. The stories are also different; The Count of Monte Cristo, The Last Of The Mohicans, but Dr. Seuss hasn't left the group quite yet, although Green Eggs And Ham, and Hop On Pop have.

I know that if DB weren't dyslexic I wouldn't be reading him any bedtime stories at all. That's about the only good thing that I can see in him being dyslexic. There are times now when he wants to "read" something on his own, and the occasions that I sing to him our repertoire of lullabies are also decreasing.

He's growing up... beautifully. I remember the day I walked into his room in the morning and he was standing up for the first time holding onto the crib rails with a big grin of accomplishment on his face. It took me all of a minute to grab my camera and record it for posterity, but I didn't really need to. Closing my eyes, I can still see that sweet face smiling at me.

His manners are also improving. I wrote improving, after all he is a boy and a child, but yesterday I didn't need to remind him to hold open the door for Bubbi and to say thank you. We stopped in a gallery and DB stood talking to the owner about Chagall, texture and color and how he paints. He is so grown up for a little munch, but the next moment he was discussing who is a stronger alien in the cartoon Ben 10 (tv show he watches with his dad), and acting out what the character does.

He's a special boy, and I'm so lucky to be his mom. I hope all you other mom's (including mr. moms) enjoy your children and have a Happy Mother's Day.

Unbelievable News!!!!

Drum roll please....... after many years in the court system and I'm sure more to go on other issues I still have wonderful news I would like to share with the whole world.

I am now legally divorced. Thank you Hashem.

It is _____ years to the day that I got my get. Talk about a miracle.

I wish the same freedom for any person out there who is waiting for their divorce and most especially for all the women out there who are waiting for their get. I hope it comes very very quickly and easily.

Just wanted to let y'all know as soon as I did. Gotta go pick up the darlin' boy.... more later.