Months Ago

Memories of months ago remembered as years of love and smiles
In our understanding through the ancient passion of others
My desire grows with my trust
And the future is nearer than the past

How I long for you without time interrupting;
An eternity of contentment and beatific smiles satisfied in your arms
But the fear crashes through the golden gates and darkens my hopes of forever
It surprised me with a quick return after I had banished it
Vanquished it with your understanding.

I dream of suffocating it with our happiness and together times
But it drags my heels reaching for my open heart.
I want to cut its claws but am afraid of amputating my own hands
Ghost pains of mistrust will only continue to hound me
Until I know what part of me I must fight
To win you

Missing

Hot tears and aching sobs
fill
his voice in my ear cannot place his arms around me
or let me look into his eyes

I pick a fight because the hurt has to go somewhere
out
into the world away from my soul
I want my life filled with smiles
not swallowed loneliness

Knowing that we will be together soon only intensifies the pain
that laughs at me for my foolish fears.

Alive

Drowning in his passion
breathing his kisses
to live
a golden chain of desire drags my heart to him
across my barren soul of doubt

to be found in his arms
waking to dreams
unsure of the reality of love
confused by the calm in his knowing

trusting the safety of his understanding
his words dig into my chest and pound life into my blood
pushing deeper into me
I yield to the truth that this is what is meant to be

Make Up

(my mind)

Go away
come back, don't leave
I want you to stay

sit beside me
run from my heart
shut the door (to we)

I'm angry
I'm sad
You can't imagine how mad

I just want to fight
(to be) in your arms
through the night

His Song Part 2

He hides behind words
and write in riddles
hoping to be discovered
by the one he loves

pushing her away
he tries harder
everyday
to win her

the tears he cannot shed
live forever in his head
and his blood keeps on pulsing
through this unforgiving world

smiling, she passes by
he struggles to let go and fly
to join on her journey
the dreams she longs to live

reality pushes them apart
and he struggles for her heart
to capture his fleeing soul

joined as one
they fall into the sun
and their love consumes them

A Passing Afternoon

Passing Afternoon - Iron & Wine

There are times that walk from you
Like some passing afternoon
Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon
And she chose a yard to burn
But the ground remembers her
Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms

There are things that drift away
Like our endless numbered days
Autumn blew the quilt right off the perfect bed she made
And she's chosen to believe
In the hymns her mother sings
Sunday pulls it's children from their piles of fallen leaves

There are sailing ships that pass
All our bodies in the grass
Springtime calls her children until she lets them go at last
And she's chosen where to be
Though she's lost her wedding ring
Somewhere near her misplaced jar of Bougainvillea seeds

There are things we can't recall
Blind as night that finds us all
Winter tucks her children in, her fragile china dolls
But my hands remember hers
Rolling around the shaded ferns
Naked arms, her secrets still like songs I'd never learned

There are names across the sea
Only now I do believe
Sometimes, with the window closed, she'll sit and think of me
But she'll mend his tattered clothes
And they'll kiss as if they know
A baby sleeps in all our bones, so scared to be alone

Swallowing Tears

How do you swallow the tears to numbness
Forgetting what was there
The joy lifting you above is now shoved down
with the pain
Silent drops escape and my chest is sore
from being ripped in two.
In the sun it is easier to pretend life is fine
but at night it will not be contained
and flows into a river of hurt down the worn tread of thrown away dreams
memories of what could have been follow my footsteps dodging my happiness
trying to forget what never existed
my tired eyes cannot see the future
clouded by visions of unknown ecstasy
the knot gets stuck in my throat and will not go down easily
pulling us with it.

The Final Word

Said in anger there is finality

with sadness there is longing

in joy for the certainty of again

and too quickly, followed by regret

His Song

You touch my heart with words that are not yours
Reaching out for love
Breaking down the doors
Our world of hidden pain
Cannot be forgotten
I yearn for your soul
And stand in the rain

The sky falls down upon me
And I watch while you appear
In a cloud above me
And I’m still standing here

Reaching through the miles traveled in our lives
People we’ve become
As we tell ourselves the lies
To keep us living
Moving forward every day
While looking for that someone
Who can show our hearts the way

The sky falls down upon me
And I watch while you appear
In a cloud above me
And I’m still standing here

Wait for me I’m coming to share your inner world
Reaching for your hand
Knowing we can share the gold

The sky falls down upon me
And I watch while you appear
In a cloud above me
And I’m still standing here

In the joy of our souls meeting the dreams can fade away
We can start to live our life
And move on to the new day
The sky opens up above us
And we watch the sun appear
Together we are smiling
As we throw away the fear

Living A Story

Her writing fills her life
As living never does
Dreams and poems become real
Closing her eyes
Trying to hide behind written pictures of joy and passion
Tears flow with the words and pour from her fingers

And I know the sorrow
Wishing for the fulfillment in her stories
Hoping for a life of her dreams

To go back in time and start again wouldn't help
To go forward would only make the past less familiar
I don't want to let go of the hurt that releases him
To know that not even cries remain
When they are gone so is his existence in my world
Just another character imagined in my life of books
Rereading friends and living the lives of others
To disappear from my own
Sometimes the hurt and pain continue through the day,a dull ache
At others, a familiar song stabs my memory
And rips his loving words from my heart with an anguished cry

To live for others is only existing
I hide behind smiles
Believing that none can see the dull pain of alone

She doesn't search through crowds for his face
To recognize his walk in a crowd
Straining to see... hoping he is returning to her
But knowing that will never be
Even with their meeting.

How do you live with sorrow?
Is it forgotten in a drawer with letters folded and worn from longing?
The memories of caring words in deep voices fill my mind
And the suffering leaks down my face
Cooling the passion that is still there.

Don't leave me
Don't let me leave you
Don't say goodbye
Don't wish me well
Just go and give me forgetting your laugh
So that I can continue on my walk for others
Across an empty world

The Wrong Way?

Foolish dreams lead me down a twisting road
The sun sets and shadows darken the way
Clouds hide the nighttime sparkle
And my steps falter

No lightness in the future path
Dragging feet through a tunnel without end
My eyes adjust to the dimness of my world

And tears pour down onto a gray life
Of unfulfilled love.

I Did It This Time

I just sent in the same poems that I thought I sent last time. I didn't want to wait another month and a half to find out if they were even received. I know for a fact that the editor got them this time. "Thank You CR. Your poetry has been submitted," popped up in the next screen after I pressed enter.

I'll be notified within two months if they are going to be used.

Did I Do It?

I just sent in three poems to a poetry zine. At least, I think I sent in three poems or maybe it was four. By accident I hit a key on my keyboard, possibly enter, and then the whole submission disappeared and another screen popped up. Instead of bothering the editor, I'll wait two months to hear from them. Submissions should be responded to by that time. If I don't get any news then I'll resubmit.

I went over the poems again and again and one of them I didn't even bother submitting. Plus I sent them to a bud for his opinion, but I don't think they'll be good enough to be accepted. So.... I'm waiting for my first rejection letter/e-mail. Giving up is not an option, but I'm wondering how many of these letters will accrue before I'm published by someone other than myself.

btw-did you notice that even my fingers are klutzy???

ARGH!

I'm stuck. I can't write or rather nothing decent is coming out of me. I know why, but when I try to write it out in a post or poem it makes no sense or is just plain horrible. Maybe it's because I'm just not sure of what's going on, and I need a feeling that's strong that encompasses me instead of confusing me.


I've been getting some, ok ok, a lot of questions recently. They usually start with "I've been reading your blog. Who are you writing about? Are you dating? What is going on ?" So here are some answers...

He's a friend or started out as one. I've known him for awhile and then things just changed one day. Up to that point we had only been e-mailing and chatting. Then we spoke and y'all know how I am about voices. I know that in the past that I've said, "this guy I like has a great voice!!" But this man has a voice to melt glaciers. My legs turn to jello when I hear it. I was a goner, but only because I've known him for quite some time.

There's a connection between us. Maybe he's experienced it before with other women, but I've never experienced it at all. It's frustrating, fascinating and has me so off-balance and confused. He "gets" me. I can talk to him about anything, really ANYTHING!! I've never ever in my life been able to do that. I could also talk to him for hours. Actually, we have been talking for hours and hours. I know about him, his family, friends and what I hear I like.

Yes, he reads my blog. I'm not sure if it's regularly or on occasion, and there's a chance he might read this. That still doesn't stop me from writing. He knows all of this anyway, and it just helps me figure things out. He lives in Texas so we haven't met yet. Yeah, yeah, I know. I just wrote that I wouldn't spend time on the phone with someone I might date, and that I would get to know them in person, but this is different. I already knew him, and I've seen pictures of him. He's a good-looking man. Yummy!!

Wainting

I listen for his heart in the words about his past
wanting to believe I am different
waiting for his chest beneath my cheek
his understanding only brings longing
for a closeness beyond touch

the future is a messenger of sorrowful joy
this bittersweet yearning grows
inward
planted by gentle pain
the inevitable staggers closer

bringing the familiarity and loss of his taste

Heaven

A smile teases my lips
with thoughts of
hearing him
draw a chill down my spine
sharing the joy of pleasures
and the dreams of together
my heart opens to his knowing boldness
a blush of sultry
colors the innocence of love
a deepened laugh answered by a sensual purr
and a soft blanket of ecstacy warms the delight
of kindred spirits running through the stars

Triggers

my body reacts
with heat
and my thoughts race
to catch my breath
a thundering beat rushes blood to my face
when I imagine him

how?
why?
is it possible?
my mind trying to unwrap the answers

of this lust,
craving to
experience him

ringing hypnotizes me
and the distance fades with the sound of his voice
my silence endures
his soft laughter
betraying me,
confessing my desperate need without words
whispering kisses and love
I listen for his smile and am content

Too Funny!!

What is Your Shakespearian Tragic Flaw?

One step at a time, okay?
Take this quiz!








Quizilla
Join

Make A Quiz More Quizzes Grab Code

The Future

misty air brushes my skin
walking through a Casablanca cloud of drizzles
my heart trudges through this English fog of loneliness
separated by sight but not sound
listening for the footsteps of my future
loving the cadence of his quick step
moving closer,

my throat closes when I try to call out
his path does not cross mine
the splash of tires
takes him
and I wish for the company of strangers
to stand with me on the bridge to forever

Reality?

rolling over into his arms
I murmur sleepily
and his soft chuckle tickles my ear.
He knows what I'm thinking before I do
and eases me with understanding.

His offer of safety beckons me,
and I willingly accept
with soft yeses
mouthing the words

he gives me

from my own heart.

confusion surrounds me in a haze of passion
burned off by unuttered consequences
He rescues me from the drowning sands of a protected heart
and brushes off the loneliness along with my clothes.
His searing eyes welcoming me to my unsealed emotions

admitting his control within
my body opens private desires
Experiences unfulfilled become reality
when spoken aloud by his caressing lips.
Phone calls and sweaty smiles
leave me comforted with dreams of meeting