Thursday, February 21, 2008

Another Lesson Learned

What number am I up to now??? I'm talking about the lessons I've learned about dating. Just in case y'all can't figure this one out, I had a date. Yup, it was just one. That was enough.

The thing is... I spoke to him for about 4 hours in our first conversation. OK, OK... I like to talk, but it was an easy and fun conversation. He was not the type of guy that most people would think I would date. Hey, I wasn't even sure I would date him, but I decided to give him a chance.

He looked great on paper... on computer screen. He was intelligent, read science fiction, liked Van Morrison, opera, jazz and ballet. So we talked and talked. I recently made the decision to start talking to a guy instead of doing the messaging through Frumster to e-mailing back and forth then to im'ing and finally phone conversation. It was just to much effort. I would rather know if I could actually get along with someone enough to go out with them before investing so much time and hope.

I've been surprised a couple of times when the guy I'm speaking to over the phone is not the same personality as the one to whom I've been writing to back and forth. Some guy or maybe even girl out there is making money off of writing messages for nervous daters. Cyrano de Bergerac ala the computer age. I wonder if they are even paid by both sides to have a correspondence between themselves and no one the wiser.

So this guy and I spoke and then made plans to go out in the near future. It just so happened that the opportunity presented itself the next day. I jumped at it because I've also discovered that a good phone conversation does not necessarily equal chemistry or attraction in person. Needless to say it didn't work out.

Soooooo, I have now learned that I cannot speak for an extended period of time on the phone before meeting someone. It's just who I am. Some people feel safer and do better with spending all that time writing and talking, but it doesn't work for me. I just get my hopes up and then.... "Surprise!!! I'm not who you imagined me to be." I've got a good imagination so this might actually be what trips me up.

OH!! I did just want to let some of you know that I met him in the city. He had offered to come and pick me up except it just didn't make any sense. He works in the city, we were going to go out to have dinner there and he would've had to take the train home and then drive to me. It was the fact that he offered which made me feel comfortable about driving in to meet him. Not like the more recent guy who felt it was an imposition to come and get me that's why I was surprised by his actions on the date.

When we met I knew immediately that he just didn't do it for me, but I felt that I had to give it a chance anyway. The little things are what really turned me off. He walked very fast and expected me to keep up. Actually, he didn't even notice when I wasn't walking next to him. I was contemplating turning around, walking in the other direction and heading home, but I figured I might as well have dinner. He also didn't make sure that I had room to walk next to him. It was a bad start.

At the restaurant he didn't move out of the way to allow people to get by him, and he left his bag in a spot that made it more difficult for people to walk in and out. That basically did it, but I didn't let him know. I'm not the kind of person who can be rude or tell a date by my actions that I'm not the least bit interested. Plus I decided that since I was out I might as well enjoy myself, and I did for the most part.

There were other things that he did that turned me off, but it just fit in with the behavior that he exhibited earlier. A word of advice to you gentlemen out there, the little things count... BIG TIME!!!

So the next guy I date I will hardly know. We will write to exchange phone numbers and then talk a little to see if it's worth arranging a date. Yeah right, I'd love to see me actually hang up after 15 minutes or even a half hour. Since I'm going to (try to) do it this way, I think that I might end up meeting the next guy/s I date instead of having them pick me up because I just won't know them that well (that's for you, Gila and Webgirl). But that doesn't mean that I don't want them to offer to come and get me.

btw-will someone please tell me why my spellcheck isn't working??


Fievel Chuchem said...

I appreciate the post and the pointers. Sometimes I'm reminded of the Nanny's Diaries (is that what it was called?) when reading these posts. There is pain and humor in life. Carol Burnette said (I'm sure you've heard this quote) "Comedy is Tragedy plus time". Thank you for giving us the time that turns one into the other, CR.

~ Sarah ~ said...

"good phone conversation does not necessarily equal chemistry or attraction in person" --> seriously! one of the most boring dates i ever had was with a guy who was really funny and entertaining on the phone. in real life i couldn't get out of there fast enough.

you did what you had to do in this case which was give him a chance. better luck (for all of us) next time!

maybe some gentlemen need a reminder of those little things that count. might make the whole process less annoying if they know the right way to act on a date.

MizEllie said...

You are so right that the little things really count (guys, that applies to marriage too!)

As far as dating lessons learned, I racked up so many of them I lost count. Maybe I was just a bad dater though. ;-)

At least you got a dinner out of the deal, and more power to you for being wise enough to know when to simply move on.

come running said...

I'm glad that others can "enjoy" and possibly learn from my adventures.

I think that before guys start going out they need to learn how to treat a lady... especially if they've been in yeshiva for awhile, a pre-choson class should be given.

I think men have to realize that once they're married it doesn't mean they have to stop trying. Plus the fact that they will get double the return in effort from their wives.