If The Name Fits

...and it does. Mr. Rose is a "Good Man." I was re-reading old posts last night and realized that Mr. Rose most definitely fits the bill. I even called him up and read it to him. He started laughing and said that I was describing him. WOW!!! I found one. I knew they existed somewhere in the dating jungle, but I just didn't know where they were hiding.

The thing is (drum roll please) he's not from Oz. Nothing against y'all from the Emerald City, but this Dorothy likes them from hills. Well, at least I like this one from the hills. And yes, I really, and I mean really, like him. OK, OK, I guess it's time for me to finally say it... I like him a lot!! Psych!!!

Fine I'll say it. The words that I am dancing around are... I love him.

You heard it here first. I love Mr. Rose. I didn't plan on it happening, but it did just the same. The man has won my heart... completely. And here comes the kicker, I don't just love him, I'm in love with him. He makes me feel beautiful, safe and loved. I trust him. I know that I've written it before about him in my blog, but the love just grows. This love feels like it's settling in my heart or maybe putting in roots. It's simple and strong.

It's so funny how with the other men I dated it was so easy for me to write that I might love them, but now with him it's different. It's just so personal. It's something special. UGH!!! That sounds so trite and just... UGH!!! What I'm trying to say is that it's, it's something that just he and I share.

I don't know if I'm making any sense. Some of you might understand. Anyway, that's also why I haven't written about our sex life. Kind of weird, isn't it? I will say this. His kisses make me disappear, chills run down my spine and my skin burns at his touch. I've never felt like this before. No man has ever, ever made me feel like this. I'm just so glad that it's him because otherwise I'd have a problem... hee hee ;)

A Visit

Mr. Rose is coming to Oz to have dinner with me. We talk everyday, and I've been getting to know him better as a person, friend and especially a man. He sent me more music and his understanding of who I am blows me away. He is kind and loving which is something that I have been searching for but there is so much strength and passion contained within him. I thought that I might have to forgo that.

Even if things don't work out between us, I have learned so much about myself from him.

But I think I just might want to give it a try.

btw-Tripped GOING UP the stairs to work yesterday. Everyone, including me, got a good laugh out of that one.

Dylan

It ain't me...

The Next Best Thing

Mr. Rose sent me music... Van Morrison and Warren Haynes. I don't know what the order of these things are but flowers, books, and music are the top three and he sent them all.

Impressive.

Broken

I Hope You Dance

Sick

I really dislike summer colds. In the winter it's expected to have a scratchy throat and cough. In the summer it's just plain miserable.

I have a date tonight. Yes Petey, I actually said yes. BUT I feel horrible, disgusting is more like it. My head feels like it weighs twenty pounds, my nose is stuffed up, my eyes are glassy, and I sound like a frog.

I don't want to cancel, but I feel sooooooooo unattractive. I know he's going to be disappointed, but I can't even hear clearly. I can see myself saying "What?" the whole date.

I haven't given this guy a name yet. It's the one who's 10 years younger than I am. The name that keeps popping into my head is Mr. Baby, but I just can't call him that. OH! How about Mr. B? Yup, that's his name.

Now, onto the guy I spoke to last night. The one who's 11 years older than I am, and wants to come to Oz to see me next week. I need a name for him too. Can't think of one. Give me some time. My brain is moving slower with this head cold.

I like these men, and then there's the third one who's a musician. Yup, a musician. Y'all know how I feel about them. But the third man isn't going to work. Too many differences... although, that doesn't mean that we can't have fun.


I'm just not sure I'm ready to date right now. UGH!

I also forgot about the singer that someone wants to set me up with. This is ridiculous.

And all I'm thinking about is one man that I don't even want to speak too.

My Ghost

My thoughts are filled with him. I see someone smile and think of his eyes twinkling. I hear a horn honking and think of him driving. My phone rings and I hope he is calling.

I live with music and every song I hear connects me to him. I can't get away from him. There is nowhere to go to escape his sweet deep voice and rumbling chuckle.

Even my dreams are filled with him... so real that when I wake I'm reaching for him.

He haunts me with his soothing words and chains me to him by the teasing names he calls me.

I miss him but he is not gone from my world.

A Passing Afternoon

Passing Afternoon - Iron & Wine

There are times that walk from you
Like some passing afternoon
Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon
And she chose a yard to burn
But the ground remembers her
Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms

There are things that drift away
Like our endless numbered days
Autumn blew the quilt right off the perfect bed she made
And she's chosen to believe
In the hymns her mother sings
Sunday pulls it's children from their piles of fallen leaves

There are sailing ships that pass
All our bodies in the grass
Springtime calls her children until she lets them go at last
And she's chosen where to be
Though she's lost her wedding ring
Somewhere near her misplaced jar of Bougainvillea seeds

There are things we can't recall
Blind as night that finds us all
Winter tucks her children in, her fragile china dolls
But my hands remember hers
Rolling around the shaded ferns
Naked arms, her secrets still like songs I'd never learned

There are names across the sea
Only now I do believe
Sometimes, with the window closed, she'll sit and think of me
But she'll mend his tattered clothes
And they'll kiss as if they know
A baby sleeps in all our bones, so scared to be alone

I'm A Country Gal And It Was A Good Day

Sitting here watching the ACM's, that's the American Country Music Awards for you city folk, I'm a happy camper singing along and tapping the computer keyboard in time to the music. There's a big grin on my face. I've had a pretty good day, and I can't ask for anything more because the DB was with me for part of it smiling, shooting some hoops and even tangoing his mom across the gym floor without an ounce of embarrassment.

It's funny how other people pick up on how you're feeling. Well, with me it's kind of obvious. OK, it's almost unavoidable to know how I'm feeling if you're near me or even talking to me on the phone. It's also neat to see how people are attracted to you when you're happy.

I went to pick up dinner tonight and a guy who works there was ready to pay for it for me, not to mention a single homey from Kansas who was flirting with me while I was at work and trying to find out if I was divorced or dating anyone. Then there was the customer who told me I had a great smile and wanted to know what hours I was in the store.

And I got a bonus today, a bracha from Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski for DB and he added on one for me too.

Earlier in the day, Bubbi was complaining of the noise her car was making. When I let her know it was just her muffler she told Zaidy that it was a little bit loose he asked, "How do you know?"

"CR told me."

"OK, we'll get it fixed," was what he replied, and it made Bubbi laugh because he didn't even question her once she told him that I was the one who diagnosed the problem.

It made me laugh too, when she told me. In case you haven't figured it out, Zaidy/Abba questions everything, and anything, and anyone's opinions. But not my judgement on car problems... too funny!

The bris was lots of fun and we had a huge family picture taken which didn't even include even 1/4 of the family, but still amounted to a whole bunch of people who love each other smiling next to one another.

OH! And when I got home from work Bubbi/Mom handed me a bag with some jewelry I had thought was lost forever; a signet ring, I got on my 16th birthday, my dad's watch that he got when graduating high school, he gave it to me when I did the same, plus some other pieces that had sentimental value. I have a ring on each hand right now, and it makes me feel so girly and fancy even with my fingernails that are bitten down to nothing.

All in all it was a good day.

Of course, the music and familiar accents just add even more to it. I hope you all had a good day too.

btw-how could I forget all the hugs and kisses from little ones and their parents.

Realize

Impress me

Am I... When I...

His Song

You touch my heart with words that are not yours
Reaching out for love
Breaking down the doors
Our world of hidden pain
Cannot be forgotten
I yearn for your soul
And stand in the rain

The sky falls down upon me
And I watch while you appear
In a cloud above me
And I’m still standing here

Reaching through the miles traveled in our lives
People we’ve become
As we tell ourselves the lies
To keep us living
Moving forward every day
While looking for that someone
Who can show our hearts the way

The sky falls down upon me
And I watch while you appear
In a cloud above me
And I’m still standing here

Wait for me I’m coming to share your inner world
Reaching for your hand
Knowing we can share the gold

The sky falls down upon me
And I watch while you appear
In a cloud above me
And I’m still standing here

In the joy of our souls meeting the dreams can fade away
We can start to live our life
And move on to the new day
The sky opens up above us
And we watch the sun appear
Together we are smiling
As we throw away the fear

Love Songs

Gavin DeGraw

The end to Cinema Paradiso (partial nudity, very briefly)

Josh Groban singing the song to Cinema Paradiso

Almost Lover to scenes from Becoming Jane.

Very Talented

Y'all know that I'm talented at hurting myself in weird ways. What I haven't told you is that I'm very talented at making a mess too. My mother used to and still does call me a tornado. When I was growing up she was constantly telling me, "Why can't you be neat like your brother?" Ugh! If anything, that pushed me in the opposite direction of what she wanted. Max is my younger brother and just hearing that I should be like him was a blow to my ego. Plus the fact that he would rub it in my face later on.

Another reason I balked at cleaning my room was because my mom would tell me to do it. When someone tells me to do something that is a sure indication that I won't. I know that it's not the most mature behavior and I'm working on it. I just respond better to being asked. Of course she probably did ask me repeatedly, and when that didn't work she had to tell me to do it.

I would turn around and glare at her. "It's my room. Why can't I keep it the way I like?!!!!" I would stomp my feet as hard as possible up the steps to let her know my displeasure and then slam my door. I'd turn up my music loud enough to annoy her, but not quite loud enough to have her come to my room and yell at me to turn it down. I made sure that she was able to hear the words and I played the hell out of my Pink Floyd, The Wall tape.

I am laughing as I hear her voice in my head telling me not to speak to her that way. I say the same thing to DB when he uses those words to tell me he prefers to have everything he owns on the floor. And I realize that those many times I stormed up those stairs might have contributed to the creaks in them.

My mom finds it very funny that DB can destroy a neat room in the same amount or possibly even less time than I could/can. I know that she's thinking payback. But I get the last laugh when DB and I go to Kansas for Shabbos. We leave a wake in our trail as soon as we walk in the door... at least, now I clean up without her telling me too.

Left Out

Somehow this one got left out of yesterday's post with the other songs.

I really like this video...


but Bonnie Raitt's voice really does the song justice.

Singing In The Car,

in the shower, and while dancing at home. I usually get a couple of smiles from people driving by when I'm singing on my way to work, to take DB to school, to go food shopping... y'all get the idea I sing in my car.

But strangers aren't the only ones giving me those smiles and strange looks. DB laughs and giggles and has started to roll his eyes sometimes especially when I grab him and dance him around the apartment.


Sugar Sugar The Archies

Build Me Up Buttercup The Foundations

I Just Want To Fly Sugar Ray - Exactly what I want to do like these people.

Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone Bill Withers

Ticks Brad Paisley

Strong Enough To Be My Man Sheryl Crow

They Can't Take That Away From Me Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong

I get so blown away...



It's missing the first part of the song with Louis' trumpet playing, but I liked the ending to this movie. I just love kisses.





La Vie En Rose Louis Armstrong - the whole song

Hotel Room Regina Spektor

Loving You Elvis Presley

btw- music makes me happy

Can't Get It Out Of My Mind

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands....

I'm sure all of you now have that tune playing in your heads. I don't mean to have anyone else suffer, but that's what I've been hearing in my head. OK, OK, I'm happy and I know it so it is an appropriate song. BUT it's driving me bonkers.

It reminds me of the time that I dropped DB off at school. He left the car singing Bertha while I drove away singing that dreaded tune, If You're Happy... Let me just explain. We were listening (and yes, singing) to The Dead on the way to school, and when I dropped him off he just continued.

I always turn the music off when I tell him, "I love you, DB. Have a great day." This time he looked back at me and said, "I love you too, Mom." That and seeing him with a smile on his face just brought that song to mind, and it stuck. The way it always does.

Is there a particular song that gets stuck in your head? And what do you do to "change the station"?

Good Shabbos!! Time to light

BTW- in case you couldn't figure it out DB is with me for the weekend

A Surprise Visit

I met BGB, and I never really expected that to happen. I got a phone call around 10:30 last night that he was near my neighborhood... or so he said. He was actually a good 20-30 minutes away, but he wanted to know if I wanted to come out with him and a friend of his. I really don't get out that often and to go out with people I enjoy sounded like fun.

We didn't go too far just to the pizza shop where we had a "discussion" about my jacket and shirt and the color orange and tan. It turns out that BGB and his friend were not that well versed in colors, but the guys working behind the counter were. If I recall correctly, they said that my jacket was orange and even BGB's friend agreed to that after he got a bottle of Sunkist and put it up against my jacket. I think I'm owed a nickel.

Before I go any further in this post I have to say that they both did something that made me feel so good about knowing them. They said their brochos (blessings) on their food out loud. I know I didn't. I was feeling a little shy, but this is something that is important to me. I am medadek about DB saying brochos and especially about him saying them out loud wherever we are. I do it too.

Yes, I know it shouldn't have mattered who I was with and I've learned a lesson from that. From now on I will say my brochos out loud. It's funny because there are times when I'm not sure of the correct bracha and I even carry around a brochos book with me so I can check. Yes, I went to Bais Yaakov. Yes, we had a yearly B'rochos Bee in second and third grade, but it wasn't encouraged aside from that.

DB is used to saying his B'rochos so that when he asks for a drink of water at night he will say the b'racha in his sleep and drink with his eyes closed. It makes me very proud. He's also very aware of whether or not I say amein to his b'rochos.

Anyway, it was wonderful to see these two men say b'rochos out loud, and I hope DB will do that when he is grown.

OK, back to the post.

We left or rather the pizza store was closing and we had no choice but to go. So we hung out in the car for a couple hours listening to music and talking. I felt like I was in high school again, out with my friends on a Sat. night, with nowhere to go but not ready to say good night. It was so much fun. I did a lot of laughing and felt so at ease with them. We got along great and I even got a poem about my name out of it. BGB's friend wrote it. Sorry, you guys can't see it. He used my real name. Oh! I should've had him do it with "Come Running"... maybe next time.

When they dropped me off BGB walked me back to my apartment like a gentleman. NO! There was no goodnight kiss or anything else. Yeah, yeah, I know what you guys were thinking. But it wasn't like that. It was just what I needed and I don't remember if I said thank you to them. Ugh! That is so not like me! As soon as I know that BGB is awake I'm going to call him and make sure that he knows that I had a wonderful time and he should relay that to his friend.

I went to bed smiling.

I'm It

lvsnm27 tagged me so here it goes

1) Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves.

2) The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed.

3) At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.



1) I almost married someone who wasn't Jewish and was willing to convert for me. I said no because my mother was able to listen to me talk about it without judging and without telling me not to. She never said what she was thinking that not only wasn't he the right guy for me because he wasn't Jewish, but also because he just wasn't the right one for me.

2) I've held a madagascar cockroach. I never saw myself doing this, but DB's a boy and I don't want him to be scared to do boy things.... so I have to show him there's nothing to be scared of.... which is why I can also bait hooks with night crawlers. My dad's jaw almost hit the bottom of the lake when he saw me do that one.

3) I love romantic movies that make me cry like Jane Eyre, The Lake House, Cinema Paradiso, Casablanca.

4) I've broken almost all my fingers (no, not at the same time) most from basketball, some from skiing, and one from punching someone. I'm not violent. I was just proving to a guy that I knew how to throw a punch. He threw a punch at the same time and our fists connected with a loud crack.

5) It's easier for me to clean someone else's house than my own. I hate my apt. and it doesn't matter how much I clean or straighten because I'm always pulling out more papers and I have boxes of legal documents stacked in my living room. It constantly reminds me of the predicament I'm in. My home is my office and that includes my bedroom.

6) I love when people introduce me to new music, any kinds. So if you enjoy something let me know.

7) I would really love to be a lawyer (part-time, see #8)and I know I'm good at it because I basically wrote the brief and reply brief for my appeal and won it unanimously. BUT I am soooooo sick of the system and that the lower court judges feel they can get away with not following case law because most people can't afford to appeal and have their decisions overturned.

8) I love being a mom soooo much, would like to have at least three more kids, and be able to stay home and take care of them until they go to school. I'm scared that as I get older it looks less possible for this to take place. DB is desperate for a sibling so much so that he doesn't care if it's a girl or a boy, "But Mommy I really do want a baby brother. I can teach him how to play basketball and I will pick up all my Legos so he won't choke on them."

I tag nice jewish guy, smoo, chaverah, lakewood venter, passionate life, jacob da jew, frum satire, shoshana