Monday, September 24, 2007

Please Hold...

So much to say (I'm in the middle of three posts) and just so tired... haven't gone to sleep yet (from last night). Drove back from Kansas last night and had some coffee. Sooo I didn't sleep.... too wired. I was going to take a nap this afternoon, but a friend stopped by (not Blondie). I hadn't seen him in awhile and well, he looks great... Then I read PL's post and followed his link to shidduch greiper.

I have to say that right now (meaning this exact moment because everything is subject to change) I am not interested in getting married. I don't know if I can really trust someone enough to make myself that vulnerable or maybe because it doesn't look like it will happen so it's a case of sour grapes. Whatever the reason(s) I have chosen to enjoy being single. I will laugh, date, flirt, kiss, and have mega fun (safe fun).

I can't live my life without touch... fingers intertwined, my head resting on a strong shoulder, soft sweet kisses and strong deep passionate ones that take my breath away. I want to feel alive and not like my life is on hold waiting for Mr. Right, and yes, gosh darn it I like sex and lots of it!!!


David_on_the_Lake said...

This definitely sound alot better than the conventional..being on hold..

Passionate Life said...


I kind of feel the same way but I just can't past the idea of two people using each other in this way. Do the guys really care about you? Do you care about them? Is it "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine?"

The funny thing is that you are describing emotions:

"I can't live my life without touch... fingers intertwined, my head resting on a strong shoulder, soft sweet kisses and strong deep passionate ones that take my breath away."

You are describing the feeling of being loved and cared for. His body is giving your body that message (regardless what you both verbally say or agree to.)

But its a lie. Its only their body temporarily telling you what you want to hear in order to serve its own purpose.

As much as you might say that you try and keep emotions out of it, you (or any healthy person) just can't. Look what happened with Chasiddish. Connecting on such a level with a person who is here today and gone tomorrow, can't be healthy for us emotionally and for our overall happiness.

I am not saying that I have any better ideas or solutions. I am sure that your life is much more fulfilling on many levels then mine currently is. But I just can't get past the casualness of it. Why doesn't that bother you?

I could understand it much better in the context of an exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. (Although that comes with its own set of problems.) But how do you deal with being intimate with people who don't really care about you?

Maybe its simply the lesser of two evils in the sense that either way we suffer. At least your form of suffering is much more fun. Maybe, what do I know? I am fascinated with your approach and I am trying hard to understand it and the mindset required to go along with it.

Looking forward to reading your forth coming posts on the subject.

Jack's Shack said...

But its a lie. Its only their body temporarily telling you what you want to hear in order to serve its own purpose.

I disagree.

LT said...

I'm with Jack.

Passionate Life said...

Okay people, Please tell me what message "soft sweet kisses and strong deep passionate ones" are sending?

Clearly (please feel free to disagree) in my opinion that is saying that I think you are special and I care for you and I am expressing those feeling to you. Or are you saying that there is no communication going on while those kisses are happening?

And if you agree that is the message those kisses are sending are you saying that its not a lie? How can that be when you are giving such a message and the next day you are gone forever? Clearly its a lie. (It might not be a conscious lie, but its a lie nonetheless.)

Shoshana said...

PLife -
Physical pleasure is just that - physical. It's about endorphins and adrenaline and hormones. That is not the same thing as an emotional connection and the two need not be combined. You can be emotionally close to a relative or a friend to whom you are not attracted. And you can engage in a physical relationship without feeling an emotional attachment to the person - your body is what it is, and it is wired with nerves that, when acted upon in the right way, can cause your body pleasure without affecting your heart.

nuch a chosid said...

I am with "passionate life"
and "shoshana"

it may fill a void, but it's not healthy and it doesn't replace or come close to a real loving realtinship

I do wish you the best.

p.s. there is a saying

woman have sex because they want to be loved, and Man love because they want the sex

curlygirl said...

In my ambivalent state of mind, I'm kinda on the fence about whether your approach will work. If you are the thinking, analyzing woman you seem to be from your posts, then, probably not. The hugs and kisses might be comforting at the time, but ultimately it sounds like you are looking for something deeper and more permanent. It's a question I struggle with a lot. Should I enjoy the moment, even though I have a hunch it's not going to lead to a glorious future together, or say goodnight and move on? Lately I'm taking the latter approach. It's easier to be open to meeting someone with potential when you're not emotionally/physically connected to someone who lacks it.

come running said...

much much better

what makes you think it's a lie, and that we or he don't/doesn't care? Chassidish still cares just chose not to be involved anymore. We speak every once in awhile at his intiation.

jack and lt,
I guess you get what I'm saying. That a man might also want that fulfillment of sex and caring without "using" a woman.

But they aren't gone the next day or forever.

I agree with you that the physical and emotional need not be combined, but there does have to be some emotional connection... for me at least. That's where the friendship comes in.

You're right about it not replacing a full relationship, but it's better than none... at least in my eyes. And I want sex for the sex so then where do I fit in that saying?

Welcome and thanks for commenting. You're right I do think and analyze... most of the time too much for my own good. I am looking for something deeper, but I also need to be realistic and face facts that the odds are against that happening for me... because the someone with potential must also be willing to live in Kansas.