More Relaxed

I've written before that I get a high from talking with him and being with him, and after getting off the phone with him I still feel it.  The thing is that I've come down quicker and feel more relaxed inside, less wound up.

I almost told him today that I wasn't going to be able to do this anymore, and then I talked to him.  Ayuuup, he's a good talker, but that isn't what made me stay.  And I didn't stay because I said those three words to him.  Although, I wrote them to him immediately before we talked.  I guess I felt that I could finally say how I feel without having to worry if he would end up breaking my heart.  Yeah, so now I wrote it but am stuck with it out there because I didn't say goodbye.

I'm going to work on being more patient about a lot of things in this world including myself, and try to let go.

Anyway, he knew something was up, but he didn't know that I was going to say that.  We had a great talk.  Me cry/laughing or laugh/crying depending on the moment.  Yes, there were some times, ok ok,  but there were some times (here's the disclaimer for y'all) albeit only a few, that I was coherent.  I really like him.  He's insightful, understanding, smart and funny.  I want him for my friend.  He gets me and supports and encourages me.  It's weird getting this from a man.  Didn't get it from ex 1 or ex 2 even when asking for it.

I'm really blown away or confused or thinking about it too much.  There I go again... doing that thinking thing.  It's just that.... I don't know what it is..  I do know what it is!! Bonkers!!! This is a man who wants me, and who is willing, who is supportive of me trying to better myself as a person.  And understanding of the struggle to get there.  Whooooaaaaa!  That's weird.  I mean my friends do that, not people I date or flirt with.  It's kinda cool.

But this only emphasizes the fact that it's not just infatuation that I feel for him.  I respect him as a person and feel lucky to know him.  Fine!!! A freaking big part of it is infatuation, but it's softening or settling or something.  I hope that it continues and that we'll be able to spend more time together.  I want to know him as a person.  I want to do things with him.  We'll see if that happens.  I do know that if I don't get that chance then there's less of a chance for.... for I don't know and don't even ask me??!! OK!!!

Hope we get the chance to see.  This is not a rebound whatever.  And who said the freak said all that stuff about rebounds anyway.  Plus there are always exceptions to the rule!  Well, actually it wouldn't be a rule if there were an exception.  Just one time would disprove it.

I was just reading an article about that which said businesses and governments should not be so optimistic when thinking about the future even with the strong possibility that good things will happen.  They should see if there is anything that can disprove (my word) the possibility of something not so good happening and if there is, they should plan accordingly.  Reminded me of proofs for linear algebra or anything for that matter.

Now, I know why that resounded with me.  I'm an optimistic pessimist.  Hope for the best expect the worst.  Oh! but now I want to also be able to accept the outcome whatever it will be with more, no, with less reaction to it or even just to accept it.

That's enough feeling and thinking for today.  Have to run errands and get ready for class tomorrow.