Decisions

I'm not so great at making choices or decisions.  I tend to weigh things, think about them, think about the consequences, and then try not to think about what could or could not happen, how I would feel if that happened....  Yeah, I could keep going. That's one of the reasons why I like guys to plan the dates.  I can't make up my mind.

Of course this lovely characteristic carries over into most aspects of my life.  Great, right?  Just what I needed.

I don't understand how he does it; how he calms me, how he knows.  Am I that transparent, does he just understand me or both?  I feel so much better after speaking with him, but I can't always speak with him.

I have the opportunity to see him this week and I turned it down.  Don't ask me why.  I want to see him, but it hurts so much when he leaves and I have absolutely no clue when the next time will be.

Missing him hurts.  Hearing his voice takes the pain away.  The thing is... OH! I don't know what the thing is!!! I just know that this is 6 months too early, and I don't want to have to make any decisions!!
AND NO!! I am not stamping my feet.  Although, I feel very close to doing so.

not fair.  But who said life is fair, anyway.  I used to hear that all the time from my mom when I was a kid.  And I still don't like the feel or sound of it even when I hear my own voice saying it in my head.

I wish...  I wish I could write things and they could come true.  That would be the best magic power in the world.  Or maybe I wish I had more patience... Ummmm, I think that I should work on that rather than just wish for it. But I can do both.

I wish he were sitting right next to me reading a book, watching tv, on the computer, and I could look up from my writing and see his smile.