I care for him. That's a definite. He's relaxed and calm. He's fun. He makes me smile and there are a few other reasons that make spending time with him...... good, no, definitely better than good. Yeah, yeah, but it's me and if that wasn't there then I would be long gone and we all know that.
I miss him when I'm not with him. And it's another difficult and complicated situation. What issue am I trying to resolve by putting myself in these situations. What am I trying to prove?
So today instead of writing here I wrote him texts. Not a good idea. And I should know better. Pushing for a confrontation is not the best way to handle things.
And I wasn't fighting fair either. I was trying to hold it in check, but I said something or probably more than one that I shouldn't have. I was just about to give excuses about why I did it, but really those are reason for the behavior and do not excuse the behavior.
Hurting, went from feeling special to feeling ignored and not wanted. I don't want to say goodbye, but I don't know how to handle this. And I need so much reassurance because of the situation, and I don't think it's fair of me to ask it of him. So I'm stuck, but I have the feeling that if I keep on behaving like this, it won't be for long. I won't have to make a decision it will be made for me. But I don't think that's what I want either. No, I know it's not what I want.
Stuck, confused and hurting.
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