Friday, July 20, 2007

When We're Married....


Teen, this man that I met on Frumster has been talking as if we are going to get married. He has not met me, and I have not led him on in any way. I haven't been sliding any sexual innuendos into our conversations and I most certainly haven't been talking about marriage. GEEZ LOUISE!!! I haven't even told him that I like him.

I was speaking to a friend of mine tonight and I mentioned that Teen is not the first guy who has brought up marriage before we have even met and without me encouraging the topic in anyway. I have been trying to figure it out. Am I doing something.... am I saying something.... am I choosing to answer the messages of guys who do this? I figure it must be me because this happens so often. Or maybe not... maybe it's just that the guys out there want to get married and when they find someone they enjoy talking to and who listens to them they set their hopes on her.

But it's not like Teen has proposed or anything like that. Although, I do feel he is rushing things.... A LOT.

This got me to thinking about past relationships and how close some of them have come to marriage. I think that I might have led on some of them. Nope, changed my mind.... I think that I loved them, but when it came down to the wire I couldn't think of spending my life with them.

Of course, the first two happened even before I was twenty. One my senior year of high school and he was a college senior. The other one happened that summer after I graduated. I broke it off with both of them. As much as I liked dreaming about being married I was most certainly not ready and neither of them were the right guy for me.

The next two guys were after seminary. One was a divorced older guy and good friends with the guy who asked me two summers earlier. The other wasn't Jewish, but he was the closest I came to saying yes before I met my stbx. Part of the draw to Not-Jewish was his family background William James, psychologist, Henry James, author, Maxfield Parrish and Jean Parrish, artists. How I came to go out with Not-Jewish is for another time. Then there was the Israeli guy, best friends with Doll's husband. He thought that since we made out we would be getting married. There wasn't even any sex and he didn't speak any English, but I did speak Hebrew.

After stbx, there was Mr. Complex (as in Napoleon) and Mr. Move To Israel, and now Teen. Am I giving off marriage vibes like some sort of pheromones through the phone lines??

8 comments:

Day said...

Sometimes people will talk about marriage in the abstract, to get an idea of how the other person feels about a particular subject. Especially when dating for the purpose of finding a mate.
For example, a question like "If we were married, would you wear a sheitel?", doesn't mean he's ready to get married.

nuch a chosid said...

Hashem has many interesting creatures

come running said...

day,
It wasn't within that context. It was "when we are together (married)...."

nuch,
and they do and they very interesting things.

Jacob Da Jew said...

I know lots of guys that like to rush..Only thinking with their "lower" brain..

Passionate Life said...

I don't think this is necessarily a guy thing. I have known women who have had this type of reaction. Perhaps they are truly enamored of you and believe that you are the one. There are those types of people who get overly excited and don't know how to put their emotions/infatuation in perspective. Obviously these people (male or female) are not the most balanced or mature emotionally.

Its not you CR, its them. ;-)

come running said...

jake,
I think that some guys confuse their feeling attracted to someone with something deeper.

pl,
I might get excited about someone that has possibilities and start to dream about what if, but I would never mention marriage two weeks into knowing someone.... especially if I haven't even met them yet.

Open Up! said...

hi i'm kinda new to your blog but i find it really interesting..all i have to say to this post is STOP BEING SO GOSH DARN ATTRACTIVE!!! LOL

come running said...

open,
Thanks for reading, and to your comment... I guess I shouldn't have had that hairy wart removed from the end of my nose!!!! LOL