Thursday, February 1, 2007


Finally figured out why I was so down. Next month will mark the nth year of the divorce.... NO! Not since the divorce, but of the ongoing divorce... soon to be completed?!?!?!

I called up Mamasita (good friend and relative) to whine, cry and kvetch, and as I was talking it finally came to me. Of course, she made me feel better. What are good friends for? She stops me from beating up on myself, and told me that if she were in this situation, thank G-d she's not(I wouldn't wish it on anyone), she would not be able to be happy half the time that I am.

I didn't tell Mr. Charm about how down I was until after speaking to Mamasita. He sounded concerned and kind of confused that he didn't know I had been sad for awhile. It's not that I was hiding it from him or maybe I was. I've been trying to figure out what's been going on between us and I don't really know. I've told him almost everything about me, and things are very comfortable.... BUT.... Here comes the big one.... BUT I don't know where we are going. I'm enjoying the ride, but I would like to know if there is a destination ahead. Does there really have to be a destination right now? I don't know. There's the distinct possibility that I am overthinking things (again).

To tell or not to tell..... I really hate the fact that Mr. Charm thinks that he was the first guy I went out with. I feel like scuz... but I just didn't think I would feel this way about him. Let's just say I feel this desperate need to come clean. Do I tell him over the phone or do I wait and tell him in person? I just want to get it over and done with. Not the relationship. Maybe I'm just doing too much thinking and this isn't as big a deal as I am making it out to be.

This is why I hate lying. It always gets you into difficult situations. I mean, I know why I lied. I didn't want him to think of me as a slut. I did go out and have sex with the first guy I saw. No, this is not Mr. Move To Israel. I completely forgot about Mr. One Night Stand. Story for another time. I guess everyone makes mistakes getting back out there... but boy do mine feel like whoppers (pun intended).

I've come to the conclusion that I am going to tell him tonight. Wish me luck.

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