I want to be treated like I'm special because I am. I was just recently contacted by someone on Frumster who had possibilities. When it came to our first date and he asked me where we would like to meet, I was floored.. so much so that I said, "I don't know. You choose."
I continued talking to him and then he asked me what I would like to do, and if I had any suggestions. WHAT!?!?! He's a grown man at least give me some choices. He wanted to take me out on a date. He contacted me.
Well, I called him back today, and told him that I want to be treated nicely. That what I wanted was someone who would pick me up at the very least for a first date, and this person would treat me better than my ex had.
He started stumbling over his words and said that he would pick me up if I wanted that, but the thing is I want someone who can think to do that for himself. He then said that he never had any problem with anyone else when he suggested meeting in the city. I told him that I wasn't high maintenance 'cause lord knows I'm not, but that I wanted to be treated nicely. He started "uh.." and I said, "thank you and it was nice getting to know you." He replied the same still in shock.
For future reference, all you single guys out there: just because a girl (woman) likes to watch and play football, running around outside, and is low maintenance does not mean that she doesn't want to or doesn't deserve to be treated like she's special which includes telling her she's pretty and picking her up on dates.
btw-I'm so proud of myself!
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13 comments:
Hm. You might have been a bit too hard on this one, at least with the picking up part.A LOT of women, especially women with kids, especially in NYC, don't want to get picked up for a first date, because they may not want a guy to know where they live until they feel comfortable with him. In fact, it's very common practice to meet for a first date somewhere mutually agreed upon. This may have been his experience in the past.
njg,
The thing is he never even asked if he could pick me up, and he also didn't have anything planned.
The real kicker was that he said he didn't want to have to drive to get me. I didn't include that in the post. Maybe I should have.
countless dates i've been on have had no idea where to go and left it to me to make that decision and I hate it because the are the ones that are supposed to be doing the asking and the contacting and planning. at least on the first date or three (they should be so luck to get that far).
with regards to the driving... beg, steal, borrow to have a car! no one likes to take the bus on a date. i had a date last year who showed up and i looked around for the car and he's like "i don't have one, we can take a tram". i almost cracked it at him but instead, politely said "that's silly. i'll drive". obvi didnt' work out!
you go girl :)
Don't assume that being clueless in this particular way makes them your "ex" if he was clueless this way. Is it possible that he has very litte experience with dating? If so, he should get a break for the FIRST date. But aside from all that, your instincts might be good - if you're looking for more of a take-charge personality (some relationships the woman is the take-charge personality - maybe that's what he's used to), then it was good you moved on.
This man has had over three years of experience dating, and mentioned that his other dates didn't have a problem meeting him.
I just want a man who will prepare before a date because he wants to treat me nicely. He can even decide to do activities he likes, but give me a choice between them.
Mad Libs and Coloring books do wonders for dating, or so I have heard.
sarah,
I can't believe you actually drove. But you know I probably would've done the same.
jack,
I prefer monkey bars and swings.
I agree with your decision 100%. If he is this casual about how he treats you now - imagine how he will treat you after you have been married a few years! Ugh!
CR, I agree with you for wanting to be treated like a lady, and I applaud your standing up for chivalry, but for Frusmter dates, you might want to meet the guy somewhere neutral for a first date. Frumster has a whole boatload of weirdos. I never give out my address until I meet them at least once.
That said, you might have been a little harsh. Yes, he should know how to go on a date at this point, (and I am the first one to lose patience with that kinda crap) but you need to tread lightly with your rejection. After all, he wasn't mean; he was just clueless. You left him with his head spinning and handed him his manhood on a plate.
WG,
I had already looked into him so I had no problem with him picking me up at home, but the thing is he never even asked if he could come and get me for the date.
Perhaps I did leave him with his head spinning, but that could've been because he tried to get out of trying to pick me up when I mentioned that I would like him too. He said it was too far, and he didn't want to move his car, etc.
Just remember he was the one who contacted me first.
I used to be the driver; maybe that's why I don't want a car.
But some men can be trained if you're more specific about your needs.
Was he willing to spend money?
Hmmmm....my two cents is that you may have overreacted. You don't even know the guy and he does not know you--why should either of you be making such an effort at this point? Date one I should be impressed with the guy himself. Effort should kick in on date two or three (assuming I ever get to that)...then I might expect to be impressed with the date itself.
RE: picking up--I always insist on meeting the guy somewhere. I have met enough wierdos courtesy of Frumster and Jdate to be wary.
Re: planning a date--it seems to be accepted here for the guy to ask you where you want to meet (as in-general vicinity). I generally go for an area within walking distance, and either suggest a place or let a guy choose.
Gila
frum,
Didn't mean to ignore you.
That was exactly what I was thinking.
muse,
I have no idea if he was willing to spend money, and that wasn't really the issue. A big part of it was the way he kept on saying I, I, I.
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