Friday, June 1, 2007

Pen Pal and Soldier

Last night I got a message from this guy who had contacted me once before . The last time we were both interested in each other, but I told him that I would hopefully be moving to Kansas at the end of the summer and that's where I want to stay. Of course he couldn't move so we wished each other luck and said good bye.

He decided to try again and I told him the same thing, but then we started writing about Frumster and the other sites and which one is the lesser evil. Wouldn't you know he's smart, funny, interesting and I felt very comfortable with him. The last part could be because I knew that we weren't going to go out. We agreed to stay in touch just not that often so that we wouldn't get too involved with each other and end up hurt i.e. Charm/Bud. It was a lot of fun writing back and forth and we got along great. He's an out-of-towner originally and his sister and her family actually live in Kansas. He's going to go to Kansas for a simcha that's going to take place in the shul I daven at. So there's the possibility of us meeting. Although I'm not I want that to take place. Forget it, let's be honest... I do want it to take place, but it wouldn't be the best thing and so I don't want it to take place. YES! I know that I have contradictory feelings, but that's me. Actually that's my libido talking for me... or rather part of me.

Then someone from California contacted me. I wasn't particularly drawn to him, but I responded and then we ended up speaking on the phone. He was in the Marines, Navy, and Air Force. He is also a ger. That doesn't bother me, but what does concern me is that he's been married a couple of times and that he was trying to analyze me. It felt a little controlling, and I've been down that path before and don't plan on doing it again. He started asking me very personal questions and that also felt weird. Soooo.... I didn't respond to the message he left me the next day. I don't want to be pulled in to something not healthy. You see, I answered his questions.... please don't tell me that I didn't need to I know that already. Maybe it's just that I WANT SEX!!! Yup, I do... but with the right person. GEEZ LOUISE having a libido is a pain in the ass. I've even been having dreams about it. Except now I can't see myself having sex with someone I don't care deeply about and not regret it later. Where is Mr. Right when you need him?????

Oops, forgot to mention that Soldier really reminds me of the guy who moved to Israel. Both soldiers, both gerim, both been married at least twice, and both pushed things very fast. It took me a little longer to realize that Georgia wasn't in the healthiest mental or emotional place. I mean, how could he be? He wanted to marry me before he even met me and he wanted to take me ring shopping on our first date.... 'nough said.


Anonymous said...

just checking in on you, you alright?
you sound a little.... whatchamacallit

come running said...

hey chosid,
yeah, i'm fine. just wanting someone (preferably sexy) to share my life with.

hope things are good with you.

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

I totally hear ya, and of course it makes sense to have these contradictary feelings, hope you don't get hurt and only wish you have happiness.