I Didn't Listen

I spent most of the night with Chassidish. It started with what has become our regular messaging on Frumster and ended at about 5 a.m. with me falling asleep while talking to him on the phone. He's got this voice that could melt butter... yeah, yeah, me and voices.

And yes, I know it won't work out. And yes, I called Bud and he reminded me of what happened when we dated and he couldn't move. Soooo.... I guess I will definitely deserve it if I get hurt. I've been forewarned. Ya see, I miss the closeness that you have in a relationship. Chassidish does too. I think we are both being stand-ins for Mr./Ms. Right until that person comes along.

Mr. B-Ball is fun to talk to, but I don't get the thrill.... the excitement that I get when I know it's Chassidish calling. I haven't heard from Prince in almost a week and Denver and I will be going out next Friday. I still don't see anything coming of that date but I'm going to give it a try anyway. BUT if I heard from Geek (I gave him my e-mail address and phone number in my last Frumster message to him) I wouldn't be talking to Chassidish, and he knows and understands that.

btw-not going to the Shabbaton in Baltimore, Maryland.... it's too much money for me to lay out and I'm tired of driving. Plus... I'll be honest with you... I want to go out with Chassidish. But maybe I'll go out with B-Ball instead. He mentioned something to me last night.

I'm too tired to continue... No duh, CR, you only got three hours of sleep, worked out, and then spent most of the day walking around the Museum of Natural History with DB.

Temptation

Chassidish and I have been corresponding on a daily basis back and forth for hours at a time. No, I haven't given him my e-mail address or my phone number. But, I'm sure dying to. We click. And yes, I remember all my other posts... it's kind of funny how many different types of people I click with.

He wants to take me out and I'm starting to think about it. Yup, I really am. It would be so nice, so amazing to laugh with someone, to talk to him, and yes, to be held by him.

I still have my date with Denver next Friday, and Mr. B-Ball and Prince want to go out too. Plus I just wrote a message to Geek with my e-mail address and phone number.

OH! I can't decide if I'm going to go to Baltimore, Maryland this weekend. There's supposed to be a big Shabbaton. I don't know if it would be a good idea to meet more people. My plate is kind of full or if meeting some other guys might have me end up with Mr. Right. I'll keep you guys posted. Hey, is anybody else out there going???

Spoiled Rotten

A postcard from Kansas.

Here I am sitting in the sun by the pool. A slight breeze cools me as I watch DB swim with his cousins. The music is playing and and everyone is laughing and having a ball. I'm lovin' every second of it. The kids just asked me to go get pizza and sno-balls and bring it back so they don't have to leave the water.

Wishing you guys were here.... hugs 'n kisses
CR

A Little Break

It's the last day of school!!!! We made it through the year!!!! Leaving Oz and away to Kansas we go for a long weekend or maybe even a week. Bike riding, swimming, maybe strawberry picking, sailing, planting, pruning, catching lightning bugs, science museum, and possibly a state fair, definitely fishing and a state park. Boy, doesn't that sound relaxing. Maybe not relaxing, but tons of fun.

And then three dates with three different guys to look forward to when I come back. WHOA!!!

PLUS!!!!!!! I finished paperwork for the forensic and am dropping it all off today. There won't be anything hanging over my head. Absolutely fantastic. Thank you, Hashem!!!

It's Raining Men

This is too funny. When it rains it pours.

I just spent about an hour on the phone with Mr. B-Ball and we were talking about getting together to shoot some hoops (don't worry sw/fm. we had plans first so he'll have to wait). He was funny and sooooo easy to talk to. Not much of a reader, but kind and interested in people.

Prince also called today, but I didn't hear the phone. I called him back, but I still haven't heard from him.

Chassidish and I have been spending a little too much time messaging each other back and forth and now he wants to take me to dinner.... only dinner. I told him straight out no. I also explained why because of what happened with Bud/Charm and I don't want to go through that again. But it was very, very, very tempting.

Pen is still writing me, but he has a couple dates coming up so I'm happy for him and not so concerned about our staying in touch.

Geek wrote me. I had just about given up on hearing from him. I was even contemplating writing him a "good-bye it was nice getting to know you" message last night. For some reason, I just didn't do it, and I'm so glad. He had been extremely busy at work. He apologized and then proceeded to write a great message. This is someone who I would really like to get to know better.

As much as I get along with the other guys, he is someone who appeals to me tremendously. He's very close with his family, respects them, goes to museums, reads, and actually thinks before acting or writing. But I still haven't told him about the relocation thing. I don't think I will until after we speak on the phone. I'm too tired to write him back. I like to think before I answer his messages.

btw-I'm so glad that three of the guys I wrote to have not written back. This is more than enough for one girl to handle.

Gotta get some sleep.... going back to Kansas tomorrow after I pick DB up from school. Man, I'm craving some chocolate right now.

HOORAY!!!!!!

Tomorrow is the last day of school!!!!

It's hard to write when I'm jumping for joy. Have a great summer. I'm planning on it.

Back In The Saddle Again

Yup, I started talking (I mean writing, but as I explained before I write as if I'm talking) to some new guys on Frumster. Actually I contacted ten guys last night. Yes, TEN guys. I also started writing "Looking forward to hearing from you either way" at the end of my messages. Either I am getting better at choosing whom to contact or adding that sentence reminds people to write back.

Three of the guys were younger than I am even though one was only a year younger. He was the one who wrote back that he is only dating women younger than he is because he wants to have a lot more kids. Either that's a soft brushoff or he really means it. Doesn't he realize that even though someone is younger it doesn't necessarily mean that it will be easier for her to get pregnant. Even if she has a child there is such a thing as secondary infertility. You guys should be aware of this. And if she hasn't had a child yet, whose to say that it will be easy for her to get pregnant.

Another one of the younger ones was a good five years younger, but he was intelligent, funny, well read and his personality really appealed to me. He even had the courtesy to reply and he did that beautifully.

I wrote to a guy who appeared to be "frummer" than I am. He also had manners and wrote back. Although he jokingly disagreed with my taste in music, he thought it wouldn't be a good fit.

The first one who wrote back didn't have too much to say for himself. There was some back and forth but we didn't seem to click. I wrote the last message and still haven't heard from him even though he's been back on Frumster sooo that kind of fizzled. I was willing to at least go out with him on one date because maybe his stiltedness only takes place in his writing.

The next one had even less to say, but we just started writing to each other. Maybe he'll loosen up. I'm willing to give him a chance. Hell, I'm willing to give just about anyone a chance except for the guys 10-15 years younger than I am.

Now here's the real deal: I feel a connection with two of the guys/men who wrote back. The first one is a real Prince and although that sounds like a dog's name I'm going to call him that in my blog. Prince is divorced without kids and he's an Ozian, Ozan, Ozzer (some help here... what would you call someone born and bred in Oz). We've been talking (writing) about the different activities that we like to do and have in common. There's already been some tentative mentioning of getting together with the idea that he will teach me how to kayak. Cool!!! He's cute too (when he's wearing a baseball hat) or should I handsome (in a black hat). I don't really but much stock in labels and just try to go with personality.

Then there's the Knicks fan. We've only just started to correspond, but his personality jumps off the screen at me. He's also someone who follows his dreams. I think I'll call him Mr. B-Ball.




Now here's an update on Denver and Willing:

It appears Denver will be in Oz in two weeks. He only has one day free to spend with me and that sounds fine. I don't feel responsible for his visit or spend more time with him than I might possibly feel comfortable with. I want to see if there's some chemistry, and if he feels more at ease with me in person. I'm even willing to go out with him on a second date to really give him a chance. I'll keep you posted.

Willing wrote to me that he wants my undivided attention. He knows that I've been extremely busy with divorce stuff and I told him I would let him know if and when I might be willing/able to give that to him. I'm supposed to do this by tomorrow. I think that the only thing I can say is that since I'm going to be going to trial in the middle of the summer it might not be possible until after Labor Day.





I just realized that I never explained why I contacted TEN guys. I figured that most of them wouldn't respond and that I might not click with some others. Plus all of these guys have viewed my profile a couple of times within the past week and haven't made a single move. It looked like it was up to me to break the ice and I did.

It all started with me writing good-bye messages to people I had been in contact with, but just stopped writing to me. It really made me feel empowered. Another lesson learned. All it said in my message was that it was nice getting to know them and I wished them well. The subject line was goodbye. I wanted to make sure that they read it and knew that I wasn't chasing after them.

Since I felt so confident I decided to keep on writing. This time to people I was interested in. I'm glad I did. Talk about positive reinforcement. Then having Pen and Chassidish contact me again also helped my ego. Things have definitely shifted with Pen there's now a feeling of friendship not attraction. Chassidish is another issue. He just has such a great smile that draws me to him. But he also found someone to write to last night so we will lay off on messaging each other. I'm very proud of myself that I haven't even given him my reg. e-mail address or my phone number. Yay for me!!!

It's All For The Best OR Thank You Hashem

I should realize at this point that there's a reason for everything. I know there are some of you out there who do not believe that Hashem is involved in the day to day dealings of us mere humans. I beg to disagree; at least this has been my experience. Instead of thinking like that yesterday I only felt sorry for myself that things weren't working out for me the way I wanted; which would not have necessarily been the best for me.
Almost every time I think that I have things under control I am reminded that I don't have control of everything and that it really comes from Hashem. I know that I sound all "frummy" but let me explain.

I just a call from Doll she spoke with Mr. Wonderful/Not-So-Wonderful's friends AND they told her to tell me to stay away. "He's mentally unstable" So it really was for the best that he didn't call me back. If he had, who's to say what could have happened. Soooooo.... thank you Hashem because I most certainly didn't see who he was and ultimately it could've/would've been bad for me and DB.

I guess I'm lucky in that I get to see some of these reasons of why things have worked out in certain ways this quickly. Soooo.... after another knock upside my head I have to acknowledge that I may not necessarily know what's best for me all the time and be able to control things around me all the time AND THAT IS REALLY NOT A BAD THING.

And the $50,000, well, money most certainly isn't everything. It sure would make life a little easier... OK, OK, a lot easier, but being in a healthy relationship is certainly worth that amount. Plus the fact that DB is still in my custody and I can try to take care of him to the best of my abilities. Boruch Hashem we are both alive, healthy (for the most part) and able to laugh and enjoy life. I just read the post on kindness happens and it brings the point home.

Thank you all for listening/reading (I write like I talk so to me it's like you are listening) to me kvetch, whine, cry... I'm over it now and moving on. But it definitely feels good to know that there are people out there who care. Hashem has taught me another lesson... that I'm not alone.... just by not getting a phone call.

Ups And Downs OR Justice And The Law Are Not The Same

I really try very hard to stay positive, but sometimes I just feel beaten down. Like today, just got some news from my attorney about the divorce and an unjust decision by the court. It looks like another appeal I have to write and write it I damn well will!!!! I don't curse, unless you consider saying "fudge" a curse word. In fact, you can ask Bud. He used to comment on that a lot when we were going out.

I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes so frustrated because it feels like things will never end. It also feels like if you don't have money or aren't psycho the system is bound to eat you alive. BUT I just won't give up. No matter what DB is counting on me (even if he doesn't know it) to take care of him and make sure that he doesn't get hurt... physically, emotionally, mentally. Sometimes it's a helluva lot for my shoulders to bear so of course it makes me wish for someone else in my life to tell me it's gonna be okay.

That's what makes this next part so funny (ironically, of course). Friday's date was great. Mr. Wonderful stood outside the restaurant in the street to save me a parking space. When we saw each other we just smiled for awhile and laughed. When we ate he was staring into my eyes for minutes at a time, and then he volunteered some more very personal stuff about himself and his family. After we ate and went back to the car he gave me a book. The one we had been discussing. Time Travel In Einstein's Universe about the physical possibilities of time trave. (Bud, you might like this, but I'm not sure how you feel about physics and there's a lot of it in the book).

I drove him to his friend's house and we got stuck in traffic for two hours. But there was never a lack of anything to say and even when we got quiet for a moment or two it was easy and comfortable. Sooo this is my question... why haven't I heard from him? He's been on Frumster and has definitely seen me on Frumster.

Now I'm just waiting for the third thing to happen. Haven't you ever heard of bad things coming in threes? At least I'm prepared and waiting for the shoe to drop.

Days like these make me ask "WHY???" Why does Hashem put so much hurt in this world? Why do children have to suffer? Why can't Hashem sometimes let up and help me help my son?

I know, I know.... I'm getting overemotional. I mean really, what does $50,000 mean to someone who is so deep in debt that the credit card companies aren't even bringing her to court for judgements because it would just be a waste of their money since I have no assets. You gotta laugh at that one... I do... I'm on pretty good terms with a lot to the collectors and at this point believe it or not they're nice to me.

I'm disappointed... No duh, CR and I'm talking to myself. It's just that I thought there was something good going on with Mr. Not-So-Wonderful. All you have to do is say or write I'm busy or I don't think this right for me. Jesus Christ!!!!! What is so hard about that??? Well, I'm not a guy and I'm most certainly not an insecure, unfeeling guy so I can't really speak for .....
I'm just not into game playing. I'm straight out honest and I guess you could say extremely naive. I'm just not cut out for Oz. I kind of hope and expect that decency and justice rules the world when in fact I'm constantly faced with the opposite.

Now that I have thoroughly brought all the rest of you down with me, it's time to just forget about it and keep on trying and moving forward. Sometimes though I would like to just hop on a plane to Hawaii or Venice or Eretz Yisrael. Doesn't Hashem listen to tefillos?? And when is it going to end??

Enough, enough, already!!!! It's time to tell you how funny it was that I woke up very early this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. Guess who was on Frumster??? Yup, Mr. Not-So-Wonderful. Ohh, forgot to tell you that I probably broke the rules when I left him a message after Shabbos asking how his went? And then when I texted him a thank you for the book. Whatever... I'm not a rules person...

Anyway, now that I've been rambling self-pity it's time to stop. Hey!!!!!! School is almost out!!! I was never even this happy about school ending when I was a kid. It's just that it's so stressful for DB and I can't wait!!! I've been keeping him posted on how many days he has left.

Before I forget-- Happy Father's Day for all you good dads out there who care about, love and put your children first. Your children will be forever grateful that you did.

Mr. Wonderful

WOW! Those were his words about my profile. But those are my thoughts about him. We wrote back and forth on Frumster for awhile and then im'ed for another half hour. Until we both realized how comfortable we were with each other that at the same time he asked for my number I supplied it.

His voice.... yes, you all know that I have a thing for voices... well, he has a British accent. I wasn't sure if I liked it at first. I thought that it sounded a little formal, but then as we continued talking I felt so at ease that now I absolutely adore his accent. We spoke for about four hours on the phone. Neither of us wanted to hang up, but he finally did. He has somewhere he needs to be at 8:30.

We talked about children, parents, imaginary numbers, physics, Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy, and even some gemara about carrying things on Shabbos (not picking something up if it's at rest and what at rest means exactly). He was quoting Tosfos verbatim to me.

He told me some things that were very personal, but it didn't feel like anything was being rushed... except for time shooting by while we were on the phone. He told me that for the past week he had been reading my profile once a day and kept on seeing different aspects of me in it. He finally decided to contact me and boy, I am sure glad he did.

I have a date or rather "we have a plan" - his words. Friday lunch in the city. He's flying in to Oz tomorrow night/tonight for a meeting on Friday, and he's staying for Shabbos and Sunday out in Queens with friends. DB is with his father for the weekend so maybe I will have a date Sat. night too. I already have plans with fellow blogger sw/fm for basketball on Sunday.

He's understanding, caring, funny, intelligent.... yes, I'm gushing, but this was really unbelievable. He's not crazy and trying to make things rush. But he is very interested. AND ...drum roll please he has no problem with relocating to Kansas. You read it correctly no problem at all.

I need some help. I know that I've been living in Oz for quite a long time, but I really haven't gone out with stbx or anyone else (excluding Bud) to any restaurants. He would like to get some good fried chicken for lunch where should we go????? In Manhattan

I HAVE A DATE!!!!!!!!! Omigosh what am I going to wear?????

btw-I'm going to check him out with a very good friend of mine who lives in England. He went to school with her twin brother. I'll keep you posted

Just Move Your Finger And Click

What is the deal with guys not responding to messages on Frumster?!?! Is this just the newer version of I'll give you a call? Except that you haven't even gone on a date. I mean Frumster even supplies you with the standard I'm not interested thanks for contacting me response. All you have to do is click on it. It's right underneath the message they just finished reading. How difficult is it to move the mouse a few more centimeters and click?!?!?!?!?!

I can understand if someone has contacted you time after time and you've already replied at least twice that you're not interested. But then there's the block button you can use. And I'm talking about when you've never responded but read the message and looked at the profile. Or when you've written back and forth a couple of times and then changed your mind about continuing to get know each other. Just make something up... or how about trying something new and being honest about it.

Obviously, there have been a couple of guys I've been in contact with who have never learned common courtesy. It's not like they're too busy to write even a note that says they're too busy.... I see that they're online. These guys are obviously not for me if they don't even have any manners.... so why am I even ranting?

Again...

Don't really have time to post today. Guess where I'm headed???? KANSAS!!!! I've got to get there kinda early because I told DB that there's a possibility of getting a hoop for Bubbi's house. We'll probably go swimming after putting it together.

Basketball has become part of our nighttime(afternoon, really) routine, and it's been a great stress reliever for both of us. There was one point last night when both of us couldn't stop laughing. He's been getting better and I've been staying about the same. Last night he got to 100 points before me and I was trying. But then again he's been living with his basketball. He's dribbling even while brushing his teeth, walking to the car, eating breakfast, etc.

There's going to be a big, huge, gigantic family reunion on Sunday. It's only one side of the family, but there are some people I haven't seen in two years even though they live in Kansas. It's hard to see everyone when you're only down for a weekend and want to spend time with your parents who are divorced.

working out up-date:

I'm almost back to my regular schedule and some of my clothes are starting to fit again. PLUS!!!! and this is a major plus exercising makes me feel so good in my own skin no matter what size or weight I am. :)

Have a good Shabbos.

A Reply

Thanks PL for the advice (comment on this post). I followed it and guess who wrote back immediately. Geek apologized and said that I would hear from him the latest Sunday. He's been very busy at work.

OK. Even if he's not interested in going out, at least he's polite and I don't feel dissed. BUT I would still like to meet him. I'll keep you posted. AND Boy, is he cute... wonder what he looks like in person. He's got a great smile that travels to his eyes...

Denver called me and I haven't listened to his message. I'm chickening out. But I'm going to call him tonight. Writing that I am going to do something helps motivate me to actually do it. I try to follow through on what I say. I don't really have anything planned to tell him. Maybe he'll bring it up.....

We Agree And Excuses

I wrote to Pen yesterday and I left him my number. There was just too much to explain that writing it just didn't make sense. He called and we joked around a bit, did some Jewish geography, and then got down to business. That's what it felt like because I really had a rein on my emotions.

I explained to him the reasons for my wanting to relocate to Kansas not only did he hear me he understood me... Pen even did "mirroring" -- the thing therapists recommend when you are having a serious discussion or argument with someone. You repeat back to them but in your own words what the person just said to you. That way you know whether or not you are both on the same page. But it wasn't even necessary for him to do that. He got what I said as soon as I said it, and I knew immediately what direction he was going in the conversation.

We almost hung-up without coming to any real decision on if we were going to meet. But I knew that continuing with the phone calls would make it harder to finally say good-bye. Soooooo... it was a mutual "good-bye, take care, if I know of anyone for you I'll send them your way," and don't forget most importantly "if anything changes for either of us regarding moving we will immediately contact each other."

After that conversation I called Bud. I had called him the night before because I was afraid that I would make the same mistake that happened with him. I knew that I could count on him to talk me out of it. Gretel and Shmellen weren't available, and I didn't want to discuss it with Mamasita. Of course I couldn't get in touch with Bud either. But I made the right decision anyway... I guess what I really wanted was someone to kvetch and whine to about how "it's not fair... I just want to find HIM already." Kinda proud of myself in the way that I handled it even though Pen and I spoke at night considering my tendencies.

I haven't spoke to Denver recently because I've been so busy with forensics, parents coming up, and preparing for trial. As I write it I hear how lame that sounds. I've had time to correspond with Pen write my blog. I'm just not that interested and I don't want to commit myself to a whole weekend with him if he comes to Oz. I don't know how to say that so I guess I've been avoiding him. Here's a good one maybe I should just come right out and say that to him but use the excuse of the trial for me not being able to spend the whole weekend. Denver's intelligent and will probably understand that it is just that, an excuse and if he still wants to come to Oz will also line up other dates for himself.

Willing left me a message after Memorial Day weekend like he said he would, but I didn't call him back. It's rude, I know. It's just that Geek and I had started writing to each other and I didn't want to commit to a date with Willing if I was also going to go out with Geek. I won't date two guys at the same time. It's hard enough for me to make a decision as it is. Just who I am I think things over again and again and compare, and think things over again. I don't want to have to make a decision between two guys.

Now I don't have to. Geek never replied to my latest message. Nothing.... no, age difference excuse, I've gotten kind of busy now can I contact you later, or even "I've thought it over and don't think I can date someone who already has a child," I'm wondering what I did, maybe he doesn't know how to tell me those things or somehow deleted my message. It could also be that he just doesn't care, isn't interested, but enjoyed the attention for awhile. I prefer thinking it was one of the first two. I want to be dan l'kaf z'chus.

Should I write him again? A short note, "Hey, what's up?" Or is that lame? I need to think about it. Any words of wisdom for me out there????

But first let me just say that I didn't let him know about the relocation. Yeah, yeah, I'm up front with everyone else. It's just that I already had one strike against me (having DB, although I think DB is a plus, but I'm his mom) that I wanted him to get to know me a little better so he could work his way through that one and then I would've told him. He did write in his Frumster profile that he was willing to relocate. But that could just mean to NJ not somewhere farther like Kansas. Or He found my blog and realized I didn't tell him about relocation and is pissed and feels misled by me and that I don't even deserve any more effort or explanation.

In The Light Of Day Or Dr. Jekyll And Ms. Hyde

For some reason I tend to make relationship and dating mistakes after the sun has gone down. Some part of me emerges and takes control or maybe some part of me disappears and I lose control and become more involved with my feelings rather than follow what my intellect knows is the best path.

I received a message from Pen-Pal and wouldn't you know he started calling himself that on his own. I don't think he reads this blog even though he did start using that term immediately after my post. I thought I had a handle on things because even though we were corresponding it was still through frumster. It is now obvious to me that things have gotten out of control; my control that is. Pen's most recent message from two nights ago is doing the "Well, what if you met someone and fell in love? Wouldn't you stay in Oz?" and the "Are you sure you have to relocate?" I didn't lead him on or maybe I'm not aware that I am. What I just realized (UH, DUH!!! ) is that any contact or messaging is encouraging. Another lesson learned. What number am I up to now???

What to do? Since it's the light of day and I making sure to write him NOW, I know I should just say "Thanks, but I don't think it would be fair to either of us." Just to let you know he and I already agreed on this point, but I guess it needs to be reiterated. It should be my mantra. He even admitted to previously having a long distance relationship, it didn't work out, and he was left very hurt.

It appears to me that some people including me find the need for romantic contact or rather want someone to love them that they will even start a relationship that's bound to end in heartache. BTW-present company is always excluded. I don't know all you guys well enough to speak for you or your actions. I feel responsible. Actually I'm not going to accept full blame he's also responsible it takes two to tango.

Am I just too afraid to go out with someone available to me that I start a relationship with someone who is unavailable? Yes, I know that I am not the one who is starting i.e. I don't e-mail someone after they tell me they are unable to move. I also don't contact someone again who I've already discovered they are gud (geographically undesirable).

There's just one more thing to add into this mix I am a big flirt and it feels good to know that someone is interested in me. Actually, it feels DAMN GOOD!!! I've missed that... I'm the type of person that will smile at the guy behind me in line, start a conversation in the refrigerated section about yogurts, or wink at the guy stuck next to me in traffic. BUT I also smile at other women and talk to them too. I like getting reflex smile from someone who then realizes what they've done and smiles even broader because it feels good.

Does anyone else out there find their inhibitions and control falter once the stars come out? I'm talking about this happening without any other substances i.e. alcohol.

Pen Pal and Soldier

Last night I got a message from this guy who had contacted me once before . The last time we were both interested in each other, but I told him that I would hopefully be moving to Kansas at the end of the summer and that's where I want to stay. Of course he couldn't move so we wished each other luck and said good bye.

He decided to try again and I told him the same thing, but then we started writing about Frumster and the other sites and which one is the lesser evil. Wouldn't you know he's smart, funny, interesting and I felt very comfortable with him. The last part could be because I knew that we weren't going to go out. We agreed to stay in touch just not that often so that we wouldn't get too involved with each other and end up hurt i.e. Charm/Bud. It was a lot of fun writing back and forth and we got along great. He's an out-of-towner originally and his sister and her family actually live in Kansas. He's going to go to Kansas for a simcha that's going to take place in the shul I daven at. So there's the possibility of us meeting. Although I'm not I want that to take place. Forget it, let's be honest... I do want it to take place, but it wouldn't be the best thing and so I don't want it to take place. YES! I know that I have contradictory feelings, but that's me. Actually that's my libido talking for me... or rather part of me.

Then someone from California contacted me. I wasn't particularly drawn to him, but I responded and then we ended up speaking on the phone. He was in the Marines, Navy, and Air Force. He is also a ger. That doesn't bother me, but what does concern me is that he's been married a couple of times and that he was trying to analyze me. It felt a little controlling, and I've been down that path before and don't plan on doing it again. He started asking me very personal questions and that also felt weird. Soooo.... I didn't respond to the message he left me the next day. I don't want to be pulled in to something not healthy. You see, I answered his questions.... please don't tell me that I didn't need to I know that already. Maybe it's just that I WANT SEX!!! Yup, I do... but with the right person. GEEZ LOUISE having a libido is a pain in the ass. I've even been having dreams about it. Except now I can't see myself having sex with someone I don't care deeply about and not regret it later. Where is Mr. Right when you need him?????

Oops, forgot to mention that Soldier really reminds me of the guy who moved to Israel. Both soldiers, both gerim, both been married at least twice, and both pushed things very fast. It took me a little longer to realize that Georgia wasn't in the healthiest mental or emotional place. I mean, how could he be? He wanted to marry me before he even met me and he wanted to take me ring shopping on our first date.... 'nough said.