Wednesday, April 2, 2008


I'm jealous. It's true. I admit it. I'm jealous of my friends and family who can see the person they care about whenever they want. I'm jealous that they can pick up the phone and listen to the voice they want to hear the most. I wish, well, I just wish...

But, no I care about someone miles and miles away. And it's frustrating, I want UGH!!!

I feel like a three year old and I want to stomp my feet, and yell, and cry as if having a tantrum could change things.

So, I've been speaking to Cowboy on a regular basis every day, except his schedule makes it very difficult for me to call him. This leaves me with little or no control, and that drives me bonkers. It gets me angry at myself, at him, at the situation. Yes, I know I'm whining, but I don't care!!! Now, I really sound like a child.

It's that it hurts sometimes. It makes me not want to answer the phone when he calls or to get off quickly in the middle of a conversation. I want him to feel the same hurt. Real mature CR, like hurting him will make things better. It won't and the major part is that I don't want to hurt him. I just WANT HIM!

Before y'all get down on him, he really does a good job of staying in touch with me. But I want to be able to call and say goodnight, pleasant dreams. I want to have that option.

btw-I hate being in limbo.


Anonymous said...

The zookeeper is looking for you.

come running said...

Oh, really?!?! He told me he was looking for you.