Friday, March 30, 2007

Freedom From Limbo Or I Make A Decision

Yup, I did it. I made a decision. I ended it with Charm tonight. Gotta love the man, and I'm also very proud of myself. There were tears, but nothing hysterical... no big drama. I didn't know that I was going to do it tonight. I just knew that I didn't want to do it over the phone. Everyone i.e., Shmellen, Gretel and my Mom knew what was coming. But I didn't really tell my mom anything... I guess when you're a parent you just know some things... especially when your child has no time to talk to you because they're busy with someone else. Gretel and Shmellen liked Charm. Well, Gretel even liked him enough to try to convince me to stay in Oz.... because if the mom is happy then so are the children. It's just that it's also a case of Pikuach Nefesh. DB's physical, mental, and emotional health come first. I need to stop fooling myself that somehow things could've worked out. He wasn't even in love with me.

Soooo.... where do we go from here? I told Charm that we would still be friends, and I would love to have someone like him in my life. I just don't know if that can really happen, and forget about me calling anytime soon.... unless, I really feel that I can handle it. I'm also not goint to e-mail that's how this whole thing got started in the first place.

I'll miss his phone calls... when he's driving to work, running just about five minutes late and stuck in traffic, and driving home from work and going to stop in and put his daughter to bed.... the updates on his daughter and her loose teeth... the calls during the day when something funny has happened...

I'll miss watching Seinfeld and Scrubs with him over the phone every night and listening to him laugh... I'll miss his corny jokes that we both laugh at... I'll miss hearing the changes in his voice when he's serious, sexy, happy, or ranting about rabbis.

I'll miss his kisses and his caring.


Don't know why,
there's no sun up in the sky
Stormy weather
Since my man and I aint together,
Keeps rainin all the time

I'm sure I'll be writing about this again soon, but right now my eyes are closing as I'm typing.

4 comments:

smoo said...

SO sorry things didn’t work out for you guys. I was rootin’ 4ya. Too bad the double ‘date’ didn’t work out. It would’ve been nice.

In the end, you have to follow your heart and instincts because they will lead you on the proper path in your journey towards happiness.

come running said...

smoo,

It kind of took me by surprise. I never expected to feel the way I did. Charm was supposed to be a practice guy. Maybe a part of me wasn't really ready and I knew that it couldn't work because he wouldn't leave Oz.... Maybe Charm felt the same way.

I've learned my lesson... the hard way. I am definitely ready and want someone to share life with... a man who wants to be with me and who will love me completely,the way I'll love him... not someone I have to convince to love me. I deserve it.

Sorry, I didn't get a chance to rub your head. Is your hair growing back yet? I hope everything is finished quickly and easily for you and your kids.

Chag Kasher V'Sameach

smoo said...

You can rub my head anytime…just don’t tell Charm…

To answer your query, the hair does grow back and I just shaved it even closer (to stubble level). My God, it’s so much colder now.

We all deserve to be loved with full intensity. Be patient, keep your smile and you’ll find that someone will find you. Being frustrated, down, or jaded loses the charm (pun intended). That was just unsolicited advice, NOT commentary on anything related to your Charmed existence. I think I can never use the word ‘charm’ in the same way…

Have a great Passover!

Charm said...

CR,

(There.. I used your "name"! ;) )

I'm glad we talked; I'm glad I know you... and I'm better for it. I wish you all the happiness that you and DB deserve. I hope we will always be friends... I'll miss all the same things you will, and more... and for now, I miss you.

-Charm