Reality

It tends to get in the way.  As much as I try, I can't ignore certain things.  Sooooo... I'm not going to see him.  At first it was I'm not going to see him, text him, talk to him.  That really wasn't happening even with yontiff.  I missed him.  I miss him.  But I just can't see him.

I want to see him!!! That's not the issue, or maybe it is.  Yeah, could it be more confusing, tangled and just plain bonkers.

Instead I'm going to see what happens.  Maybe we'll drift apart.  What will probably happen is that when he can't see me, he won't be as interested; I'll hear from him less and less.

It hurts.  I don't want to say goodbye, but there was never a complete hello.  Things get in the way.  Life gets in the way.  His life gets in the way.

But I'm worth it, and have to remember that.  I deserve it all.  Not just bits and pieces, not seconds or minutes.  I want days, nights, dinners, walks, talks, star filled skies and thunderstorms.

I give my all, and that's what I want in return.