Friday, October 26, 2007


How do you tell if someone is your friend or more? Is it in the flirting and innuendos? The frequent phone calls? The caring heard in their voice? Obviously I'm confused about where I stand. Is he interested in being friends, being friends with benefits or dating? And how can I tell which one it is?

For me I have to be friends with someone before I date them or have sex with them. Both are intimate connections that must have some sort of foundation to build on, but sometimes it's difficult for me to tell if or where things are going. My own emotions or wishes of what could be color his actions, and end up confusing me. I'm trying to figure out where I stand.

Yes, I know I should just come out and ask, but that can sometimes affect the friendship if that is all that is there. He starts to worry that you're going to fall in love and begins to watch what he says. The ease and openness of the relationship changes to a stilted back and forth. Both of us trying not to say something that would cause the other to possibly misconstrue our feelings.

And what if he is wondering the same things?


Tr8erGirl said...

Ahh...the joys and pains of a new relationship....(gag!!)....well - to try and tell what he's really after, (and I know its difficult) you could say no sex for a while, and see what happens. It mght be difficult, but you'd find out the intensions.

come running said...

Believe it or not there is no sex going on.

therapydoc said...

I think it's nice to take the time to really let definitions develop over time. There's no need to rush these things.

After all, a good relationship should remain good forever, right? If it's really good, that is.

And to make it good requires work. So why rush such things?

come running said...

I've got admit that I like what you wrote even if I don't like being in limbo.

I'm going to enjoy and see what happens. Either way I'm getting to know a wonderful person.

Jack's Shack said...

After all, a good relationship should remain good forever, right? If it's really good, that is.

That is the dream isn't it.

smoo said...

The game of "What-If's?" is easy to play, necessary for exploring the variables, and indulged in ubiquitously. It does carry with it the danger that the preferred or rerun scenario may not be the most accurate. When assessing relationships, we must be careful because a significant portion of what we consider our relationship is based on these mental exercises.

It sounds like you two have some connection that is potentially greater than the average friendship. Now if you interact relatively frequently with him, I would suspect that if he was a man's man he would have picked up some of this extra vibe. The fact that he hasn't acted on it is suggestive that he is either totally oblivious or he is not prepared to go beyond the friendship zone. Now you can lay your ego on the line and bring up the subject with great risk of rejection but at least you'll know straight out the parameters of the relationship. Alternatively, you can live in the dizzying world of "What-If?" and other fruitless and frustrating scenarios. In general, I am of the mind to get it all out in the open and let the chips fall as they may but my instinct her is to cherish the friendship and lose the obsessive situational analysis scenarios.

come running said...

And I can keep dreaming, can't I?

I can always count on you to analyze things for me.