Jumping To Conclusions

I did it again.  Sounds kind of familiar doesn't it? But it's true.  You see, he wrote back to me and apologized.  Wait! Don't do what I did and jump to a conclusion.  His apologies are meant, and no, I'm not that that stupid.  I know he means his apologies because he works on changing what he apologizes for.  WHOA!!!!

Now don't go and be jealous.  Well, ok, be jealous.  He's kind of amazing.  He tells me he's proud of me too.  Yes, he's real.  Yes, he's handsome.  Yes, he's fun and funny and smart.... AND yes, he's an unbelievable kisser.  Now, you should be very, extremely, CR, you're making him up jealous.

So I went and did what I shouldn't have done and told him.  But it's deeper now or different or just more real.  Yes, there are times when I'm freaked out like you would not believe.  Terrified is more like it.  So uptight that I start to pace.  But then I hear his voice either in his texts or on the phone and I relax as he tells me he's holding me tight and won't let go.

The thing is he makes fun of me too.  No, not in any mean way.  If it came even close to that, I'd be gone without giving him a chance to apologize.  He does it in the I know exactly who you are CR and am still here.  Hope I explained that so that you understand.

OOOOH! A friend of mine has his bike back and said he'll take me out riding.  Now, I just need to convince him to teach me how to ride.  Then I can go out riding with another friend of mine from school.

And I got a new job.  Pre-school teacher.  I get to hug munchkins and teach them about the world.  What could be better????  Yeah, it could be better if I actually had another one myself, but looks like that's not meant to be.  It's sad.  I always wanted about 5 kids, but I guess it's from Hashem because there is just no way I would have been able to be there for DB the way he needs me if he had other siblings.

I'm worried about him, but I know he'll pull through.  I have every confidence that he will have a happy and successful life, and I wish I could instill that in him.  He feels pressure that I haven't expressed about how he has to be throughout his life.  All I want for him is happiness and for him to be able to support himself and his family.  I know that he has so much more. Oh, well, that could be the pressure he feels.  He is talented, but I will shut up about it.  He does work on it.  Tonight he was sketching when I was going to sleep.

I am praying that his life gets easier and he gets healthier.  What an amazing kid he is or should I say young man.  He's definitely growing up.  When I told him about my new job, his face lit up, he became very animated and was so excited for me.  I love my boy!

It seems like the men in my life are actually there for me.  I must be dreaming.  After all, it's 3:23 a.m. and even though the windows are shut and I'm miles away the birds are singing in Oz.