Thursday, September 10, 2015

The words are all jumbled up in my head and heart so I'll just let my fingers choose them.  I'm so happy.  I'm not high happy.  I'm content, but big smiling happy.

We had a misunderstanding - that's what he called it.  I still am not sure what it was.  I think it was actually an understanding, but one that wasn't the best.  I felt like he was pushing me away. And YES, he was.  He says no, but we'll have to agree to disagree.

When I was pulling back, I was texting him my feelings and thoughts about it.  He didn't get defensive, but he did see things differently.  The thing is there were no tears.  There was no immediate need for me to shut him out of my life and quickly close the gates and brick them up. Don't get me wrong.  I was thinking about it, but I stuck it out and didn't run.

This man is amazing.  He actually listens.  I know I've written it before, but this is one of the reasons why I'm still around - why I want him still around me.  You see the listening means he takes in what I'm saying and then does something about it even if it's only acknowledging  the validity of my feelings.  WHAAAAT!?!?!?!?  He tries to understand and doesn't say that I'm crazy for feeling a certain way.

So yeah, I love him.  It's that simple.  He's a good man.  But it's not just that.  We spend so much time laughing together.  It's easy, comfortable, relaxed and yes, so so so HOT!!!  He's handsome and his smile, his voice... Well, just about everything about him makes me melt.

Yeah, this is bonkers!! Yeah, there are no guarantees in life.  Yeah, I'm going to enjoy every second with him.  How could I not????  He's my friend too!! I'm so lucky he found me!!!!!

I just miss him.  I want to share so much with him.  I want him in my life.  I want to be in his.  I want to fall asleep in his arms and wake up to his kisses.   There's so much I want, and I've told him.  But I don't know if that scares him away or makes him want to come closer or both.  Probably both because it does the same to me.  

We complement each other.  I respect and admire his strengths and wish I could be more like him.  He's not as reactive.  That's an understatement.

I'm so tired but I haven't written in so long, and I can't hold in how happy I am!!!

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